Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | 1403 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Poor Baby Jake

Tenley says she's falling in love with Jake, but she's been in love before and can't let herself go that far again without knowing if Jake values marriage as much as she does, like haven't they done nothing but talk about this shit? Isn't that why Jake keeps repeating "values" over and over again?

She loves having the picnic, and asks him if they will have picnics like this in the real world, and then Jake brags about how they can have dinner in one place and the next morning go somewhere else, what with him being an awesome pilot and everything.

Then they're talking about commitment, and Tenley says when she makes a commitment, she sticks with it, until it's over, whatever that's supposed to mean. Man, the fewer women left on this show, the more time we're forced to spend listening to them spew all this meaningless nonsense, the kind of stuff people NEVER ACTUALLY SAY unless they spend their time watching shit like this and think people actually talk like this. Then they kiss for a while, and then walk down to a black sand beach, which neither of them has ever seen before, so they get on their bathing suits and walk in the surf and make out in the water. Tenley says it's by far the best date she's ever been on, and then she admits the fantasy suite was in the back of her mind, as she hasn't been with a guy since she was married (she was married before? Does Jake know about this?), and staying overnight with Jake would be a really big deal. Then she says "leap of faith," so see my comment above. Explain how what we've seen so far tonight wouldn't fit on an episode of Cheaters, please? Except I'd hate for Chris Harrison to get stabbed.

So, dinner tonight, in some amazing hotel or house, and then Tenley is talking about her ex-husband AGAIN. And Jake tells us the fantasy suite card is really important in moving their relationship forward, which is true if you have no idea what a real relationship is like, I suppose. And now they are nattering this nonsense at each other, about letting themselves go, and things that mean things to them, or something, and Tenley stammers out that she knows that she has love to give and is "meant to be loved" and Jake makes her "heart smile" and she's really falling in love with him. "Tenley just melted my heart," Jake tells us, even though he doesn't say it back to her, just jams his tongue down her throat.

Bachelor

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