Bachelor
Two Become One

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Djb: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
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Ah, the peaceful respite of Bob's Villa. We're back, and it's the last night of the rest of the world. Anyone for fruit or dessert? Estella gets out of her limo carrying a large white box containing...A HUMAN HEAD! Actually, I have no idea what's in there. I was still very comfortably asleep on my couch at this point in the viewing process. I was even so tired I watched half of it at night and then the other half the next morning. I was that excited about seeing who I already knew won. Aaaaanyway, Estella does that five-point knock that's supposed to get the two-knock response (you know the one), but she does all seven in case she soon needs to get used to living life on her own again. Looks like someone hasn't read the spoiler thread. Bob offers a squeaky "look at yoooooou!" when she enters, and she kind of snarkily offers back a "look at YOU," in that "I said my family was deaf, not blind" way I think we used to find endearing. Didn't we used to love Estella? I don't even remember anymore.

In the kitchen, we learn "we're making pizza!" And, true to Kramer's vision of the eatery he could not get off the ground, we gaze upon bowls of toppings and dough the needs kneading. As they sprinkle in the flour, Bob and Estella recap the recap of the recapping recap of Estella's visit to Long Lake (which, not the only thing that's too long about this episode, let me say), Bob telling Estella that she made a big, big impression on his family. She laughs that their pizza is going to be "so good!" Why? What's going on? Out on the lanai now, Estella begins a thought: "If we go forward..." But don't worry, folks. Bob's social skills are so razor-sharp that he can have a whole conversation without even knowing what you were going to say! He uses Estella's clause as a jumping off point for his own agenda: "That's the first time you've ever said 'if.'" What are you, deaf? The girl was trying to talk. He keeps going: "You usually say, 'I think about...La-di-da.'" I thought he said her firsts language was sign language. But from that quote, I am to infer that it is "solfege." Which is a bad language to try and use in communicating with deaf people. That will bring us back to "do." I just think it's sad that he had to call her out on her linguistic quirks, just to passive-aggressively try to prove that she's as freaked out and unsure as he is.

"Are you ready at all to move forward with anybody?" Estella asks Bob. He hems that he kind of is, but that he has to "figure out what to do with it." She responds that she's afraid that he's not making a decision between one girl or another, but that she fears that he's making "a different decision." The one with him and Chris Harrison, she means? Because really, I was just kidding. Or...WAS I? She adds that she would hate to see him make this decision she thinks he's thinking of making (see why I hate the season finale yet?), an option Bob "can't seem to forget." Nevertheless, he has "amazing" feelings for Estella, and they've grown. Estella tells him that she only wants someone in her life who loves her as much as she loves him. So don't half-ass it, buddy. Bob asks what her perfect ending to this whole mess would be, and she tells him that it would be Bob's deciding to go on this journey (bing bing bing...that's two!) with her. And yet he still can't tell her everything he wants to say. He kisses her goodbye at the end of the date, and she tells us that she'll be "absolutely crushed" if she ends up without him. And her father was deaf. Say it again. I dare you. I double dog dare you. Physical challenge?

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