Bachelor
Two Become One

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Djb: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
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Estella sits in her limo making I'd-suck-on-a-lemon- but-oooooh-the-calories faces, all yanked out of context and reappropriated to make us think she was going to lose. Didn't work. Chris opens the door to her limo, and she steps out of the car. Estella stares directly at him and doesn't want to go in. She tells us that Bob is her "soulmate," that they have an "amazing connection," and that they'd be "amazing" together. Do two "amazings" and a "soulmate" equal one "journey," do you think?

Bob compliments Estella's shoes because secretly he's still 1% faggy.

"You stood out in my mind in so many different ways," Bob tells Estella, after reminding her one more time that she tripped down the steps on her first night. Get over it, you harping bastard. People trip sometimes, like earlier when you were shaving and you bumped into the '70s and accidentally missed both sideburns. Mistakes, Bob Guiney. We all have made a few. Anyway, he takes out a box and shows her the ring, telling her, "I bought this." Good for you, Gomer. "If someone wears a ring on their right hand, it can mean a sense of promise. I know in my heart what it takes to be at a point where I want to propose to someone. It's not that I'm not there yet. It's just that I want to be sure of everything." Once, I gave my girlfriend at camp a lanyard bracelet that I made in Arts and Crafts. And trust me, that thing indicated a deeper level of commitment than shoving a Harry Winston wherever he can find a fit that doesn't freak him out too bad. Estella cries and hugs Bob and tells him how happy she is. He vamps on, "Every time you look at this, I want you to think about the journey we've been on." He showed intent to say "journey" right there. Does that count? He tells her that once they're in a "real setting," he knows that things will be ever better. Meanwhile, Trista, Ryan, Andrew, and Jen are all, "WAIT A SEC." Bob offers Estella the rose. She accepts with an "absolutely." Estella tells us how happy she is about this "journey." Then she says it again. Twice in once sentence! They do say that the cornered animal is the most dangerous. Bob, ever the hopeless romantic, tells us, "I love hanging out with her." Awwwww. Estella whispers, "I'm so happy" over and over and over again. We pan back from a final bout of smacky kissing, away from The Laugh, away from The Kissing, away from it all, and I'm on my way to a vacation that will last me deep into the further reaches of...aw, crap. See y'all next week.

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Bachelor

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