Bachelor
Two Become One

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Nora Kennedy-Onassis asks Estella if she has any siblings, and I'm just saying that she must be as deaf as a...well, sibling of Estella's, because we addressed this eleven seconds ago. Secretly, though, I think these two sequences might have been edited out of order. Is it possible that the producers are lying to us and not depicting the story as it actually happened? Scandal! Anyway, Estella spells out her riveting domestic situation, fourteen brothers, ninety sisters, pi nieces and nephews, and so on. "I want so many kids," she adds, clearly having played the Mary game much better than Mary ever did. Nora Kennedy-Onassis proposes a walk, and the two of them retire outside as Estella gives us some buzzwords to describe Nora, including "classy and beautiful and sweet and kind." Outside, Nora all but begs Estella to come be her babymaking daughter-in-law, and inside, DeDe spoons a very Midwestern casserole from a large bowl into a large bowl, and speeches, "I have gotta say, 'wow.'" She celebrates the fact that Bob has met such an "amazing lady," and tells him that he needs to be willing to "put [him]self out there." He tells DeDe that he came into this experience cynically, adding that he second-guesses all of his feelings and emotions. She tells him that if he doesn't want to let something great slip through his fingers, he needs to chill the hell out and grow up. DeDe adds that if Estella is so great, "I can only imagine what we're gonna meet tomorrow." Well, crack team of intuitive editors...we thought you'd never ask.

Over in Bev Niner, we join the constant state of flux that is Kelly Jo's hair, already in progress. She's kicking it in the back of a limo and wearing a white strapless dress. I have to say that, as far as the ladies go (not these ladies, but the whole theoretical concept of "ladies"), she looks pretty smokin'. Am I allowed to call her that? Is that a word people use? What if they do it while they're licking one fingertip and then placing said fingertip on an imaginary surface at about eye level while making this sound: "tssssss." Is that when I know I am indeed a straight man? Or is that when I know I'm a redneck, according to Jeff Foxworthy? I get those confused all the time. Anyway, Kelly Jo's limo pulls up at Harry Winston, where a woman whose name we never learn takes Kelly Jo through a series of ring choices. She's so fabulously Long Island she must have grown up in a cul de sac and taken piano lessons from my mom. Kelly Jo tells us that, as it turns out, she's very much in love with Bob.

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Bachelor

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