Bachelor
Week Three

Episode Report Card
Shack: C+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Then, while Aaron is having this confessional deal where he talk to the camera, Brunette Heather interrupts to sit on his lap and try to seduce him. She says she wants to make sure she gets the chance to talk to Aaron, because he didn't before the last Rose Ceremony. Aaron says that he wasn't going to snub her again, and worries that he couldn't handle "the wrath of [Heather]." Aaron tells the camera that he was afraid Brunette Heather would "kick [his] ass" if he didn't make time for her. Heather tells the camera that she's "110% sure" that she wants a rose tonight. A rose. Does she want Aaron? No. She wants to win and make it to the next round. She really does have a pageant mentality. She's sure that Mom and Dad would be proud of her if she brought Aaron home. I don't know whether to cringe at the possibility that Heather is terribly wrong, or to cringe at the possibility that she's right. Is it worse when your parents look down on you for embarrassing yourself on television, or when they embrace it? "You won yerself a man, Heather. We're mighty proud of you!" Okay, embracing is worse.

In another one-on-one meeting with Aaron, Gwen gives some blah blah blah speech about Aaron saying the "politically correct" things and not "opening up [his] heart" and blah blah blah. It's all code for, "Tell me you're still interested in me even though you didn't give me your phone number and I didn't get a solo date." Aaron assures Gwen and her forehead (obscured with some well-placed bangs, so she clearly knows) that he does think she's beautiful and wants to get to know her better.

Brooke starts getting all teary again as she realizes that she's dating "this great guy" who is also dating "nine of her best friends." Well eight, actually, plus Brunette Heather. Well seven, actually, plus Brunette Heather and Christi. She wipes off her tears in the bathroom. She's wearing a lovely, black, sequined cocktail dress. These poor women probably had to bring fifteen dresses each just in case they made it all the way to the end. Aaron invites her outside for a confab. She worries that it's all getting too real. It's hard seeing her "best friends" and Aaron all making goo-goo eyes at each other. She barely knows Aaron and these women and this is her best relationship and they're all her best friends. Does she live inside a safe back home? She has no friends at all? She worries because Aaron is prone to changing his mind on things. Ooh, she called him out on it. Don't get too mouthy if you don't want to get thrown off, dear. Aaron says that he has changed his mind several times this evening, but not about Brooke. Aaron reassures us all again how tough and "gut-wrenching" this decision is. Whatever. We hardly see him talking to half the women, so I don't know why we're supposed to be surprised at who he cuts.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next

Bachelor

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

Visit the Official Room on zeebox to join in the discussion!

The Latest Activity On TwOP