Bachelor
Week Three

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Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Do you think we've hit the bottom depths of Christi's self-delusions? Oh no, we haven't. There's one more drop, so please hang on to the guardrails for your safety. She starts sobbing in her interview, saying, "I'm not gonna be okay. Because some girls didn't say what they should have said. And some girls are staying that know they don't want to marry him. And I would've wanted to marry him. If it had gotten down to that? I would've wanted to marry him." Yes, he knew that. The other women knew that. We all knew that. That's actually why you didn't get a rose. I'm not sure even Dr. Phil could knock some sense into Christi. She concludes, "But he didn't see that. So what do I do?" I suggest a regimen of therapy and mood-balancing drugs, myself. Kyla, Shannon, and Blonde Heather don't even get any parting words, because we can't escape the Black Hole of Christi's delusions.

Next week: More kissing. More boobies. More crying from Brooke. She says, "I want you to get to meet my daddy," though the captioning reads, "I wish you were my daddy." I can see why the captioners might get confused with all the dysfunction flying around.

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Bachelor

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