Bachelor
Week Three

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Shack: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

The evening ends with the Main Street Electrical Parade. How pissed would you be if you had to dress up in that heavy dwarf costume just to entertain six people? No wonder those guys were unionizing. Aaron tells the camera that out of the women on that date, there were four he was really interested in. Christi wonders to herself who the other three were.

Commercials. We return back to the Malibu Dream House. There's a giant crate on the stoop as Brooke's date invitation. Martha Stewart would be very disappointed to see that they just took a wooden crate and wrapped a red ribbon around it. They could have at least done some stencils. Brooke opens it up and there's a huge teddy bear holding a little glider plane. Everybody swoons. There's a card with the bear that reads, "Come fly with me to the lake in the sky." Ew. I'm glad he refrained from mentioning wanting to climb the mountains in her shirt or explore the valleys in her...okay, I'm stopping right now. She meets Aaron in front of his little prop plane that is probably the bane of air-traffic controllers everywhere. He's got a bunch of roses for her. Brooke explains to us that when she saw Aaron standing there on the tarmac next to a plane, she knew he was going to fly them somewhere. She's so smart. I'm sure she must be in Mensa. As they take off, Brooke explains to us that the fact that Aaron is a pilot is a "total turn-on." They fly off. Aaron explains to us that he wanted to kiss Brooke on the cheek. Then we see him kiss Brooke on the cheek. Okay, the phrase goes "show, don't tell," not "show and tell." Show and tell is for kindergartners.

Brooke and Aaron land at Big Bear Lake and head out on a small boat. This is almost like the same date she had last time with Aaron. I'd be very disappointed. Aaron gets Brooke talking about her family, probably at a producer's prompting. Brooke was an only child. Her mother's a total sweetheart. Her dad would "grill" Aaron. Her stepdad, rather. Not her birth dad, who may "grill" Aaron in a different fashion, for all we know. Aaron tries to bring up Mysterious Jailbird Daddy. He says that Brooke seems really proud of him. Apparently, he's attending college in prison. She vaguely tells us that he's made mistakes and is paying for them. Are we (and Aaron) not supposed to realize that her dad's in prison? It couldn't be more obvious. How could Aaron not know? I'm sure everybody is waiting for a suitably "dramatic" moment to reveal the truth. Just spit it out already; as dramatic tension goes, it's pretty blah.

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Bachelor

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