Bachelor
Week Three

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Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Back at the Malibu Dream House, Christi is sitting poolside with some of the other women, acting like Aaron was the one who brought up the crying again. We didn't actually see the start of Christi and Aaron's carousel ride (thanks editors...not), so we don't know for sure who brought up Napa Valley. Christi did say during her little one-sided conversation that she just had to explain to Aaron what happened in Napa Valley. Aaron just sat there on his pink sperm whale (hee!) wishing that she would stop talking about it, so I don't believe her. Christi insists that she's "over" the whole thing and she's talking about it so much to explain how over she is over it. She says she knows that she's not going to get a rose. And she has this whole speech prepared: "You told us in the limo on our first date that you were looking for a girl who will love you despite all your flaws and forgive you for all your mistakes. And the first thing that happens -- the first flaw -- you, like, can't get over it. It's just kind of -- you're asking for a girl [sic] something you're not willing to give." Well, first of all, a tendency to procrastinate is a flaw. Being a bad speller is a flaw. Liking Just Shoot Me is a flaw. Clinging to a guy you barely know and insisting that you love him and then losing your shit when somebody calls you out on your passive-aggressive behavior? That's a psychological problem. That's much bigger than some "flaw." Also, Christi is on the edge of tears again.

Back at some cabin by the lake, Aaron and Brooke have their candlelight dinner. They chat about Aaron. How long has he lived in Springfield? A year. He lived in Oklahoma for a year before that. Aha! That explains why the only press I could find of Aaron outside of this show was of him helping start a chapter of the Rotary Club in some small town outside of Tulsa. Apparently, Aaron was engaged to some woman out there, but it didn't work out. It turns out that Brooke was engaged when she was eighteen, but that she was too young. Now that she's twenty-two, she knows so much more about love, I'm sure. Of course, I'm thirty-one and still don't have a clue, so maybe I'm just being too nasty. Brooke explains that her philosophy used to be that if two people were truly in love they would "make it work." But then again, if you truly loved someone, it shouldn't be that much work. That seems almost wise. Of course, the sticking point is what Brooke thinks constitutes "too much work" for a relationship. Does she mean "looking the other way while he has a dozen affairs" sort of work or "getting a job to help with finances or occasionally getting up off the couch to run a Swiffer vaguely through the house" sort of work? In an interview, Brooke says that "this is the most romantic relationship [she's] been in in a long time." "Relationship"? Two dates. Two.

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Bachelor

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