Bachelor
Wet, But Not Very Wild

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Shack: D+ | Grade It Now!
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He Did It All for the Nookie

After dessert (chocolate-dipped strawberries), Aaron gets to open that damned envelope again. To annoy me with the redundancy even further, he also explains to us that he had the envelope. And since Brooke watched the first season of the show, I can only assume she knew this was coming anyway. And it's the same damned message with the name and location changed. See 'N Say Aaron gives Brooke the same line about checking out the room first before deciding whether to stay together. He adds, "I think there's a hot tub up there." That's the other way I knew Gwen was a goner. No hot tub offer.

Brooke and Aaron wander into their fancy suite. They marvel at everything. Brooke describes to us each and every thing that we can plainly see with our own eyes. As Brooke is on the balcony, Aaron wanders out to hand her a present. Brooke tells us that while she was on the balcony, Aaron wandered out to hand her a present. Will you just stop it, for God's sake? Aaron opens a rolled up certificate and reads out that a star has been named after "Breanne," a sister of Brooke's who died. Aww. Somebody's been watching old tapes of Party of Five. Also, I've been notified that these certificates are usually total frauds. But still, it's one of those "It's the thought that counts" things. Not that I think Aaron actually thought of this. Brooke cries and gives him a big hug. Apparently, at their one-on-one date where they went boating on the lake -- no, the other date -- they lay out on the grass and talked about what they would name the stars. She told him she would name one after her sister. Of course, if this show had better editing, the producers would have known this was going to come up again and would have made sure that this actual conversation had appeared way back during the airing of the first date. But why bother? Bunim/Murray's wretched crap is going to pollute the airwaves for another ten years, no doubt, and they're probably not capable of writing a coherent children's book. Brooke says she can't wait to tell her daddy that there's a star named after his little girl. I don't know which daddy she's referring to and given the rumors about why her dad is in jail, I'm just not going to speculate about anything. She says it's the best present she's ever gotten.

Cut to Aaron and Brooke taking a bubble bath together. See 'N Say Aaron reminds us that this is a hard decision, and that he can't think of any "factors" that would make it easier for him to cut somebody. He says, "They're all beautiful, they all have so much going for them, and they're all into me, which is so wonderful." Especially the part where they're all into him. See 'N Say Aaron says he doesn't know how he's going to deal with it.

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Bachelor

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