When You're Here, You're Family

Episode Report Card
Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
So, You Don't Like Italian?

Andy and Tennessina finally get some alone time, which Andy uses to, as he puts it, "grill her a little bit about Kirsten." Wow. Jerk. Tennessina is so already in the "friend" role. She tells us that if Andy chooses Kirsten, she'll know that he was the wrong guy for her all along. Tina, perhaps sensing that her time is limited, changes the topic to herself for one prized second, coming on a bit too strong and telling Andy she wants to be in the top four. Well, I want to be in the B-52s, but it seems like they're already pretty happy with their lead singer, so.

Andy asks Jen about Kirsten. Just kidding. Well, sort of.

Back at the They Can't Cope-a Cabana (the most emotionally unstable spot north of Havana), Amber and Kirsten loll about in their bikinis, Kirsten telling us that she thinks other people are "jealous" of them for having alone time with Andrew. Out by the pool, questions are asked of Liz about the "fight" from the day before, which Liz denies was any kind of fight at all. I deny that that was a necessary scene at all.

Hot tub! Er, again! The six of them crowd in, and Andrew does the Relationship Lightning Round, going around the circle and asking each woman one meaningful question. Tennessina says her wedding reception doesn't necessarily need to be in her hometown, but she seems momentarily thrown when Andy asks the question because she doesn't know if she's supposed to be answering for herself or for Kirsten. He then asks Audree where she wants to go on her honeymoon, to which she responds, "Tahiti." I mean, I'm sure it's nice. But as cliché honeymoon choices go, it kind of strikes me as the Olive Garden of the South Pacific, y'know? Andy then asks Tina from Wisconsin what she wants her wedding to look like, and she responds, "I think I’m gonna leave it up to the lucky man." He retorts, "Me? You're gonna leave it up to me?" See, ew. He's already having kids with Amber, eloping to Vegas with Kirsten, and now he's planning Tina's wedding. That is one busy guy. Except he's not. Because he'll never do any of those things. The rest of the girls are ignored.

Lord and Lady Lunkhead's departure really warrants its own segment? There's a whole "goodbye, we hate you" montage of hugs and love, and their limo stops by Andy's place on the way out of town. When it comes to Christina, Andy worries that it's less about him that "the idea of" him. What does that even mean? Lord Lunkhead asks if it's a problem that she's thirty. Wait! He's twenty-seven. See, this is what I mean about everyone on this show Harold & Maude-ing the old lady. They're back to Kirsten now, and Andy writes off the whole "she has a boyfriend back home" thing. Liz, Andy says, is "nervous," which is the nicest way to say "loose cannon" in TV Land. They talk about Tina from Wisconsin, whom they think is pretty cool, after all. Lord Lunkhead pronounces all of the girls "great," which should be really helpful to him to make up his mind. End. END!

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