Tonight, the women are going to tell all about how much they dislike this season's extra-idiotic Bachelor! Chris tells us how this has been one of the most controversial seasons ever of the show, and tries to claim that there are still some people out there in America that love Juan Pablo. Chris, did you have to practice that a few times so that you could keep a straight face?
Before we get to the Bachelor-bashing, we need to have some actual positivity so Chris welcomes Sean and Catherine to talk about their wedding. Catherine is sporting new bangs, which I appreciate as a bang devotee myself, and Sean tells us that the first thing they did when they got home from their Bora Bora honeymoon was to watch the wedding on TV. Having ABC film your wedding really is like the best wedding videographer of all time, truly. Chris has to ask about the wedding night and says he's sorry for making such a big deal about it leading up to the Blessed Event, which Catherine clearly realizes is an outright lie. Sean calls the wedding night itself, "fireworks," and Catherine adds, "QUICK fireworks!" This is both hilarious and TMI. Basically thought, I do appreciate that these two generally do seem normal and actually in love, especially after watching JP for weeks. Also TMI: Sean was molested by a stingray while swimming. They tell Chris they'll be trying for kids sometime within the next year, and he wishes them congratulations.
Chris throws us to an interview he did with another soon-to-be-married couple… and we cut to him sporting a very ill-advised, patchy beard while interviewing Miss Piggy and Kermit, except it's not Kermit, and then they call out Juan Pablo, who sounds as sleazy talking to Miss Piggy as he does with every other woman that's been on the show. This segment makes me uncomfortable. I ADORE the Muppets, but I don't like to see them caught up in any nonsense with Juan Pablo. Anyhow, go see Muppets Most Wanted.
When we come back, Chris has the rejected ladies assembled. So many women whose names I forgot already! I am incredibly pleased to see that Molly is there as well; it wouldn't be the same without some good doggie reaction shots. The women talk about how their first impression of JP is that he was insanely hot, but Kelly was alarmed that Molly didn't like him. Who knew that Molly was going to be the one who was right from the get-go? We're treated to clips of all of the ladies gushing about his hotness, but hilariously they show reaction shots from the women as we hear their fawning quotes and most of them are grimacing when reminded of what they first said. Chris asks why it wasn't enough to have him just be hot, and various ladies answer that duh, you also need to have a good personality. At the very least, you need someone who wants to talk about more than just himself.