Biggest Loser
"Biggest Losers" Go Green

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"Biggest Losers" Go Green

Previously on The Biggest Loser: Lots of people lost lots of weight, and, lest you forget, Neil was kind of a dick cheater. The show doesn't actually remind us of that in the previews, but it will live on in the collective consciousness as long as I am alive to tell it.

We begin with Bryan saying how sad he is that he's the only Red Team member remaining, both for his own sake and for Kim's. Oh, who gives a rat about Kim? What I mean to say is, how great that she has someone on her side. Neil says that if he has an X on his back, he's proud of that, because it means he's a threat. No, it means he's a dick and people still haven't forgiven him for that. Isabeau tells us she's now in it to win it, and not just to lose the weight to make herself feel good.

Sami meets with the contestants and announces that it's Green Week, when the contestants and the show can give something back to planet Earth. All they get, however, is a dookie green t-shirt with the recycling logo on the back. It's probably made of kitten pelts. Sami tells the contestants that they'll also get to do some recycling. Sami, for her part, is recycling Eddie Munster's hairline. The contestants, however, get to recycle their teams as they go from trios to duos. So many twists! And here's another. There's a large pizza loaded with meat -- yes, a meatza -- and a 32-ounce soda in front of them. Bill seems like he might actually soil himself for a second, he is such a meat lover. The contestants have to guess the number of calories in the meal. Whoever comes closest will get to pick their duo teammate, and that team together will get to pick the next twosome, who will in turn get to pick the next twosome, and so on, until the last two people who are left are stuck with each other. At least for once, they don't have to actually eat the calorie-laden thing in front of them, though the meatza might actually be worth it. Bryan tells us that he's going to do whatever he has to do to stick around, since he's the last standing member of the Red Team. Amy doesn't count, since she chose to train with Jillian and is now black-blooded. With pride, I hope.

They players make their guesses, which range from about 2200 calories to upwards of 4,000. Because they have to make their guesses in secret, no one can do the whole Price Is Right "add one dollar to the highest guess" trick, though I'm sure Neil would if he could. He has a Plinko board where his soul should be. Sami kind of makes fun of Hollie by pointing out that she showed her work, like she was completing an SAT question. The actual calorie count of the meal is 3253, which means that Nicole, at 3240, wins. For her teammate, Nicole wants someone who she gets along with, who has the weight to lose, and who is a hard worker. She chooses Neil. Where is this "karma" everyone's always talking about? Neil interviews that Nicole doesn't always win her battle with the scale, which puts even more pressure on him to lose a lot of weight. Nicole and Neil pick Ryan and Isabeau to be the next team. Ryan thinks that Neil and Nicole hooked him up well. Who's Ryan? Isabeau looks out for her Black teammates by putting Julie and Bill together. Julie and Bill in turn team up Hollie and Bryan.

This of course leaves Kae and Amy as the de facto team of rejects. Kae is pissed. She said she tried to be civil and friendly, but unfortunately is not that type of person. Really, it doesn't look like she's trying very hard, since she will not even look at Amy, much in the way that Paul Simon now feels like it might burn his retinas to lay eyes on Garfunkel, even when the two share a stage. For shame, Kae and Paul Simon! Amy, on the other hand, is happy being paired with Kae, because she's such a threat. She reminds us that this was the reason that she wanted to boot Kae last week. Kae is well aware of this fact, and also well aware of what irony is.

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