Biggest Loser

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Celebrity Chef Rocco DiSpirito Guest Stars

Weigh-in! The Blue Team is up first, with Dan and his pert man-boobs approaching the scale. He goes from 251 to 244, for a loss of 7 pounds. That's solid. Jackie is next, and goes from 206 to 204, for a loss of 2. She looks worried, and Kelly gets a glimmer of hope. Roger is next, and goes from 309 to 301, for a loss of 8. He's aching to get under 300, but is satisfied with his 8-pound loss. Trent goes from 366 to 357, for a loss of 9. Again, a great performance. Bernie starts to get nervous. Jay is next, and goes from 253 to 248, for a loss of 5. He's not happy. I am happy when he finally puts his shirt back on. Yeesh. Mark is last up for the Blue Team. And we get a commercial!

As of 9:30 EST, Obama takes Delaware, Illinois, and Alabama, while Clinton gets New Jersey. But how will she feel when, right in front of her, Obama plays the video that John Edwards made, wherein he says that he misses Barack's kisses? And their conversations? AT NIGHT? Meanwhile, the Republicans are all still terrifying.

Okay, back to the show! Mark goes from 230 to 221, for a loss of 9. Impressive considering his injury. The Black Team is nervous. All in all, the Blue Team lost 40 pounds, or 2.48%. To win the weigh-in, the Black Team needs to have lost more than 28 pounds. In case you've forgotten, they're the underdogs. Kelly, who lost zero pounds last week, goes from 240 to 233, for a loss of 7. It's a great number for her, and she feels confident that her team will follow. Paul is next. He gained three pounds last week, but this week he goes from 263 to 251 for a loss of 12. Holy crow! I think at least 6 of those pounds came from his left man boob. Seriously, why is it so flat compared to the other one? Well, no matter. Dan starts to get nervous. Since Paul gained three pounds last week, only nine pounds get added to the Black Team's total. I don't understand why they did this, since they added the three pounds to their total last week, too. It might have something to do with last season's water-loading scandal.

The remaining three Black players have to lose twelve pounds. Maggie is up. She goes from 211 to 206, for a loss of 5. That's totally solid. She's really hitting her stride. Bernie and Brittany need to pull a 7-pound loss between them. Brittany steps on the scale, and is dying to lose the entire 7 pounds herself. She goes from 199 to 189. That's 10 pounds, bitches! She's so happy. And so is the Black Team! They've won the weigh-in! Bernie still gets to weigh in, of course. He goes from 236 to 223, for a loss of 13! Holy crow, yet again! He gives a little hip shimmy of happiness. He says he thought he was looking sexy before, but now he's bringing sexy back. The Black Team gets a hard-fought win, which Brittany credits to a lot of dedication and hard work. We never see their total percentage of weight lost, but I assume it's crushing. Sami tells the Blue Team that Mark will be immune since he lost the most weight this week. Sadly, I think it's pretty obvious how this is going to go.

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Biggest Loser

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