Biggest Loser

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Contestants Tackle One of the Biggest Challenges In Show's History

Finally we have Dan versus Brittany. Brittany is flying, with Dan not too far behind and determined to catch up. Eventually he does, and even passes her. Ultimately, Dan gets 14 flags and Brittany gets 13, which means the Black Team has won. Dan is really proud of how far he's taken his life, body, and health. He's what a 21 year old should be, and that's more important to him than any prize. However, the prize is pretty kick-ass, and the Blue Team is excited. They make Sami do a Pride On Three with them.

The Blue Team works out. Bob tells us that Mark leaving was the worst thing for the team but the best thing for Jay. Totally. He should, like, move to a different state now, or go into the witness protection program or something. The Blue boys do some intense weight lifting that would break both of my knees. They are all reminded of how far they've come in a month. Dan starts crying as he reminisces how he couldn't do a squat when he first came to the house. He's very proud that he can squat now. Dan is going to be the subject of a new Lifetime docu-drama called Not Without My Squatter. Starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Dan. Brittany, meanwhile, tells Bernie that the entire Black Team would like to know what his Biggest Loser of the Week prize is. He tells them that he chose game play, and that he gets to grant immunity to one other contestant. He says that he'll probably give it to Brittany. Kelly doesn't know that that's the smartest way of playing that card. Bernie notes that he's thinking that another way of using it is to give it to Jay on the Blue Team, since Dan and Roger are the biggest threats. This plan is of course contingent on the Black Team winning the weigh-in. Brittany tells Bernie that it's his prize, so he should use it however he sees fit. He has some tough choices ahead.

Weigh-ins! Jay reminds us that there are some one-pound passes at play. Everyone is nervous, because things are getting down to the wire. Roger knows he has a bullseye on his back, and that it's crucial for him to be the Biggest Loser of the Week. Sami welcomes the contestants and then attends to some business. Everyone except for Dan and Kelly won a one-pound pass. Well at least Dan won almost $10K. All Kelly got was a mouthful of Twinkie. In any case, that's three pounds for Black and two for Blue. And then, of course, there's Dan's immunity prize. However! Sami says that none of those things will change the game as much as the news that she's about to deliver. And that is, my friends, that Hillary Clinton took the delegate-rich state of Rhode Island. My people know that bitch is the new black. Our most famous mayor was in the clink twice. Do not fuck with the R.I.

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Biggest Loser

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