Biggest Loser

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Contestants Tackle One of the Biggest Challenges In Show's History

March 4 is the new Super Tuesday! As a Rhode Islander, I love it. What have I done today to make me feel proud? Voted! It's, like, the only time I and my fellow states(wo)men vote in the primary and it at least kind of matters. The biggest little, baby! Anyhoo, Obama takes Vermont. And McCain takes everything, but you already knew that. There's no need to mention the Republicans anymore, except to note that the U.S. has lost 603,581 pounds of Huckabee.

We enter the Biggest Loser campus at night. Jay reminisces about Mark with a trembling voice. There really is no justice when it comes to the scale, he says. I like to think of Mark's one pound loss as sort of a larger karmic victory, but then again I'm not related to the bastard. Ha! And then Roger says, "He was hurt. He wanted to go...it was a very unselfish act that he did last night." Thanks for the recap, King Revisionist. Seriously, that's not how it went down AT ALL. Roger totally browbeat / guilted Mark into going. Dan tells us that the Blue Team is down a member, and they're in a very difficult position right now.

The next morning, Bob goes to visit the Blue Team and learns that Mark is gone. He can't believe that Roger is still there. Bob asks Jay how he's doing, and Jay starts to cry. Oh, boo hoo. Grow up, freaky man-child. Jay says that Mark was his inspiration. He was the meaning of Jay's life. He was the inspiration. He brought feeling into Jay's life. He was the inspiration. Dan sympathizes, because his mother got booted unceremoniously not all that long ago. Bob talks Jay down from the ledge. Dan tells us that the Blue Team made a pledge to Mark to systematically eliminate each Black Team player. Well, there's a novel strategy!

Jillian meets up with the Black Team and learns that Mark "volunteered" to go. The Black Team isn't so happy with this decision, since Mark wasn't one of the bigger threats on the Blue Team. Brittany says that Roger drives her insane because he's so cocky and thinks he's going to be the winner of the show. Jillian tells her team to get aggressive and shut him down. What the heck does that even mean? Do they club him in the knee while he's distracted doing a "One two three Pride"? Jillian feels a little more confident since her team is up a player, but acknowledges that it's basically girls against guys.

Sami meets with the contestants and tells the tale of the dreaded mid-afternoon snack. Can they make smart choices when it comes to snacking? I, for one, cannot. Three o'clock rolls around and I trudge to the basement of my office for a vending machine peanut butter cup and/or Twix. Sometimes, when I want to feel healthy, I get the dark chocolate Raisinettes. All of this reminds me that today I got my shipment of Girl Scout Cookies in!!!!!! Since they sell them only once a year, you really have to buy in bulk, which means that I have approximately 3 billion calories worth of Samoas in my kitchen right now. I literally just had to wipe a little saliva from my chin. Whatever, I'll go on a diet after I make my way through those 12 boxes. Partially hydrogenated oils, here I come!

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Biggest Loser

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