Biggest Loser

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Jerry's Kid

This season on The Biggest Loser: Fatties, getting skinnier. Family style! Last week, the Yellow Team made a stupid bet and so fell below the yellow line. Yet it was the Gray Team who was sent packing. It was sad, because they were hilarious. Now Bob and Jillian each have three teams left!

It is nighttime on the Biggest Loser campus, directly after the last elimination. Sami tells the contestants that there are journeys, like the physical and emotional journey that they are taking on the show, and then there are journeys, like when you pack all your shit up in a Subaru and hit the road. And the contestants will be doing the latter! They're going on a road trip to the Grand Canyon. I love the Grand Canyon, and Arizona in general. I think they should make a pit stop in Sedona to see if some of their fat can get sucked into a vortex.

The teams return home to prepare for their trip. Heba advises Ed as he packs. His suitcase has pictures of martini glasses all over it. At least it's not a chicken leg print, I guess. Heba is worried that the trip might screw up the efforts at weight loss. It's a pivotal week, she says, and temptations are all around when you're traveling. Like all those McDonalds' on 95. Mmm, chocolate shake and salty fries. Phil reminds us that every time they think something's going to be fun on The Biggest Loser, there's a twist. Because weight loss is not about fun, until you can fit into those size 6 jeans. He knows that they're going to have to, like, sprint down to the middle of the Grand Canyon and find a giant spear of broccoli to win a two pound bonus. Vicky is also nervous about what's in store.

The next morning, the teams head off in their little bus. And what road trip would be complete without some Boysenberry Extra Sugar Free Gum? Mmm, boysenberry. The women put makeup on in the mini-bus, because the Grand Canyon totally cares. Shellay is hoping that they're going to stay at a sweet hotel and hit the hot tub. Deep down, however, she knows there is no freakin' way in Jennie-O heaven that this is going to happen. Jerry totally believes the theory about Paul Bunyon carving out the Grand Canyon with his axe and his mule. Colleen corrects him by saying that it was an ox. Either way, Paul Bunyon certainly knew how to give himself a last chance workout.

Okay, so you know what you can find en route to the Grand Canyon? A convenience store. The teams stop there, and a big RV pulls up to them. Sami emerges! The combination of a convenience store and Sami can't be good. Sami has the contestants tour her RV, and they wonder what's up. When they come out of the camper, they see a dinky little camping cot set up. Oh, yes. While most of the teams will be camping on this little trip of theirs, one team will get to rest in style in the RV. And seriously, as someone who went on her first camping trip this year, I feel for the poor fuckers. Er, I mean, yay nature! Anyway, you knew the convenience store was going to play into this, didn't you? Convenience stores are a convenient way to get fat. And thus we come to our temptation challenge. On a long trip I falter at the sight of those tiny powdered donuts. Lake Powell Mart, I am powerless to you!

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Biggest Loser




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