Biggest Loser

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She's Baaaaaack!

But wait! Sami tells the other returning contestants that they must all be disappointed. But there's another way that they can get back in the game. Crazy Eyes Melissa says, "Spill the beans!" She's so weird. In any case, there's a challenge, and the winner will join Victoria and the others who are still in competition. Crazy Eyes says, "The challenge. At that moment, it's me and Ali. There's not another person in that room. It's my destiny." It is her destiny to have Jillian kill her, I think. That's a fine destiny in my eyes.

The contestants follow Sami outside and learn that they'll be competing in an "Up/Down" challenge. The first contestant to make it to 1,000 steps earns a spot back on campus. John knows that this is not his ticket. The competition starts, and it looks like it's going to be a horse race between Melissa and Miggy. Conveniently, they're right next to each other. Miggy tells us that she and Miggy butted heads really badly. They have issues, and that's not going to change. We get a few flashbacks, including the one where Migdalia looked like she was going to crush Melissa's head like a grape. Those were good times. Poor Sherry loses a shoe, and then takes off her other shoe. And hey! Even shoeless, Sherry is actually close to Melissa and Miggy. Lance gives the most honest assessment yet of his marriage when he says of Melissa, "That woman... she's a monster." Yes, that's taken out of context, but you know he had a double meaning. Miggy is sweating like Whitney Houston.

Koli's assessment of the top contenders is as such: "...It sucks. Lance just left. Melissa quit. And Miggy's just a troublemaker. So why would I want those three? It doesn't help me out, and it doesn't help the house out." At roughly halfway through, everyone's getting tired. Melissa slows it down, and Miggy pops into another gear. Miggy's about six or seven steps behind, and Melissa doesn't want anyone to take her lead away. Finally, sweat-soaked Miggy feels her chest tighten up. Her asthma's acting up, and she feels like she's about to pass out. Sadness. Melissa tells us that she triumphed over pain. She wins the challenge, and gloats about it. Lance is proud of her, and mostly happy that she'll be out of the house for a while longer. He says, "I love her to death," emphasis on the death. Miggy is really bummed, and it makes me sad.

Melissa's return is greeted with meager applause. Sami announces that both Victoria and Melissa have immunity this week. Oh, great. I mean, legitimately great for Victoria. Sarcastically great for Melissa. Gah.

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Biggest Loser

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