Biggest Loser

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Health and Wealth

What have I done today to make me feel proud? Seriously, I got nothing. I'm neck-deep in a bag of Newman's Own Champion Chip Cookies right now. Pride is a distant memory, along with my waistline. Sorry, Jillian and Bob.

We start the show by being reminded that, infinity weeks ago, the contestants stripped down and stepped on a big scale in front of their families, friends and neighbors. And... wait. This is just a preview? After the credits? Man, what this show will do to fill its copious amounts of time. Sami greets the contestants at breakfast and instructs them to come to the gym. She tells them that "change" is a big theme of the show. Yeah, no shit. It's right there in the theme song. This pop challenge is geared to see how much change they can handle. Each contestant will balance a tray, and add quarters to it until they can't hold it anymore. The person who can hold their tray the longest, wins. If even one quarter falls off of the tray, they're out. The winning contestant will get to keep the money -- or, rather, they'll get to keep $10 per quarter they win. Sami does some quick math, and announces that if they can balance 1,000 quarters, they'll get $10,000. All of this is courtesy of Total cereal, which they were coincidentally eating at breakfast.

The tray balancing begins. I assure you it's riveting. Daris apparently has really bad shoulders, so is struggling from the beginning. Sunshine's strategy seems to be to keep a very low amount of quarters on her tray until the end. As everyone struggles with the weight of their tray, Sunshine is sitting pretty with 10 quarters and a strong arm. Daris is the first out after 25 minutes, followed by Sam and Victoria. Sunshine adds some more quarters. Ashley is out next, followed by Koli and O'Neal. Drea, Sunshine, and Michael are still in it. They're all in pain, and it's Drea who drops her tray next. Sunshine has 65 quarters on her tray, and Michael has 100. Both of them are struggling and shaking at 45 minutes in. Sunshine's mascara runs down her sweaty face as O'Neal coaches her. This makes me wonder why there's never been a product placement for waterproof mascara! I'd wager that it's even more important than Zip-Loc bags. As Sunshine tries to rearrange the quarters on her tray, she drops it and Michael wins. He gets a cool $1,000 as Sunshine weeps.

Sami tells Michael that Total will double his winnings, since they think he gave 100%. He gets $2,000. Sunshine, who also gave 100%, will get $650. Sami hopes that the money will help put them on the path to financial fitness. She tells the others not to be sad, because the day isn't over yet. There's a surprise in store that will change everyone's fortune. Said surprise is waiting at the house. And it's Suze Orman! She describes herself as "the go-to expert on personal finance," and says she's on the show because you're not only made up of your health -- you're made up of your wealth. Ninjas are also made up of their stealth. I don't think Suze Orman is a ninja, though, which is probably why she doesn't mention it.

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Biggest Loser

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