Biggest Loser

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Oh Make Me Over

What have I done today to make me feel proud? I made a quiche! With smoked salmon and watercress. I have no idea if it was actually healthy, but it sure did taste good. And it actually involved cooking on my part. And lots of Pinot Grigio. And I cooked none of it in a Ziploc bag and it did not contain Jennie-O Turkey or Extra Sugar Free Gum, so suck it, show. And before I begin the weecap in earnest, I'd be remiss if I didn't send out a huge thank you to M. Giant, who filled in for me while I was on vacation at Dollywood!

Okay, on to the show. Which leads me to say: God, isn't this show over yet? Episode 16, folks. Either the end is in sight, or I finally made it to purgatory. Sunshine walks alone around the campus, and reminds us that her dad went home. The house without her dad is different, she says. She's been with him every single day for the past 16 weeks [Except for that month that they were at home and not the ranch, I'm guessing. -- Angel], and now it's weird not to have him there, waiting around every corner with his giant walking stick. She has to figure out how to stand strong and do it solo.

Sami greets the contestants and tells them that they've been part of The Biggest Loser for almost four months. Oh, and how. The six remaining contestants have lost a total of 805 pounds. That's six of me! Madness. And, Sami notes, they apparently ate a lot of Multigrain Cheerios along the way. Oh, fuck her. God. But as annoyed as I am about the product placement, I can't stay that way for long. It's makeover week! The contestants are ecstatic. Michael tugs at his guido-fro and tells us that it's gotta go. If Tim Gunn were here, he'd totally burn that rank headband, too.

Two limos come to collect the contestants, and Sami gives them each $1,000. Koli, Sam and Michael are more excited than all the girls combined. Sam tells us that he loves fashion. Who knew? He's been living for this episode. The $1,000 is courtesy of Multigrain Cheerios, which means that Sam actually tongue-kisses the box for a while. The contestants will also get haircuts courtesy of celebrity hairstylist Jonathan something-or-other. I sure hope it's not Jonathan Antin. Bravo has completely worn me out on that asshole. Sami tells everyone that they'll get to attend a concert after getting their new look. Is it the "What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?" lady? We can only hope, so that we finally have a face to go with that infernal song!

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Biggest Loser

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