But wait! Have you ever seen an at-home celebration without Sami somehow materializing to be her customary buzzkill self? I didn't think so. Nor will you. She appears on a screen at each contestants' hometown, much to their dismay. Sami reminds them that on the first day of the competition they each rode the length of a marathon on stationary bikes. So they might imagine, she says, what their final challenge is. Yes, people. They're going to do a marathon on foot. Ashley says, "Hell yes!" while the others mostly look nervous. Sami says that the players who finish the marathon will be able to give $10,000 to the charity of their choice. For some of them, the charity may end up being "My Knees."

When we return, there are more flashbacks. Koli was very fat. You know this. He also didn't love himself or his body. You know this, too. But now he's happy! And he's not going to beat himself up. Koli talks to what I think is his dad about how eating healthy makes him feel better on the inside, and for the first time in his life he has peace of mind and is happy. Koli's dad says that they always worried about him and his health. Now, with what he's done and accomplished, they're very proud of him. Koli's family doesn't have a lot of touch-feely talks, so this is a really special moment for him. Dad continues that he loves Koli so much. Thankfully this moment is not interrupted by a product placement.

Then we flash back with Mike, who said at the start of things that he was the size of two overweight people. Now, he's still overweight but he can run five miles and hike the ridge tops at the ranch. This isn't a nightmare anymore -- it's a pretty pleasant dream. Mike, Maria and I think Mike's sister get together in the kitchen for...a product placement. I knew they couldn't resist! They're making meatballs with Jennie-O Turkey. That fucking turkey. Mike says that now that he's back, Sunday dinners are going to be lean, and everyone will have to participate. Mike sells the fuck out of the turkey. His big Italian family can still have their traditions, but they're going to make it healthy.

Then there's my boy toy lover Daris. In week one, he said he was the biggest he'd ever been, and was determined to change. Now he's home, living life, and going after his dreams. He's not shying away from things any longer. Daris meets up with Cheryl at what I think is their family store. He says that he's accomplished all he has by hard work and doing the right thing. His parents deserve part of the credit, because they instilled in him a top-notch work ethic. He cries as he expresses his appreciation to Cheryl. She tells him that he deserves some credit, too. He's making great choices, and that makes her proud. Also, he's turned from a boy to a man. An adorable man who is TOTALLY old enough for me. If Daris wants to impress anybody, he says, it's his mom. He has, and she loves him a bunch.