Sami introduces Michael, who once again was the heaviest contestant ever at 526. There's a whole montage of his various triumphs, including being the first person to have lost 200 pounds on campus. After the clips, Sami asks him why he's holding that white rose in cellophane that looks like he got it from a gas station on the way over (though not in those words), and he says it's for his mom. He brings it over to her and gives her a hug and a kiss, and lightens himself up a couple of ounces in the process. Sami asks the final two about how they feel to be facing off against each other. Ashley says something vague, and Michael leers at her some more. Before putting him on the scale, Sami says he needs to have lost more than 257 pounds off his oft-repeated starting weight of 526 pounds. Michael starts looking nervous for the first time, unless it's an act. In which case he's going to have to keep it up through the ads.

When we come back, Sami babbles some more with Ashley standing next to her licking her teeth, before finally telling Michael to get on the scale already. He throws his headband in the air and steps on. And his new weight? 262. He lost 264 pounds, and is the Biggest Loser (even though Koli lost a higher percentage, he lost the vote, so too bad for him). And here comes the confetti, and Michael's whole family up on the stage in their shirts with the Italian flag on it, and that's it, it's over. Would you like some anticlimax with that?

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.

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