Biggest Loser

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The Unknown World

It's 71 hours to the weigh-in, and 90 minutes to the end of the show. The Knowns work out, and prepare to go balls-to-the-wall to win the weigh-in. Ditto for The Unknowns. And so on and so forth, for like a million minutes. This is the perfect opportunity to go get a glass of Pinot Noir and a cookie, if you're so inclined. Or, you know, carrot sticks and a protein shake if you're worried that Jillian can see you through the screen.

And then, just when you think things couldn't get any worse, Dr. "Death" Huizenga makes an appearance. Dr. H. and his crunk haircut are here to tell the contestants exactly how close to the grave they are. Courtney and Marci are up first, and Courtney talks about her weight loss so far. Dr. H. tells her that she's still very sick, and her inner age is 40. Her biological age is 22. Eh that doesn't seem all that bad. I'm used to everybody's inner age being, like, 112. Courtney has 200 pounds of hydrated fat that's putting a huge hit on her insides. She says that it sucks to hear this, but it's good to understand where she has to go. Olivia, meanwhile, has an inch of fat on her shoulder that's coming up into her neck. All of her visceral fat is pushing up her diaphragm, which means that she can't hold notes as long in her career as an opera singer. Olivia cries, and says that she has a husband of twelve years at home who may not be able to be a father if she can't get her weight under control. Dan and Don meet with Dr. H., and he talks to them about murder... from their own fat. He says that Dan's estimated date of death is March 29, 2020. Okay, it's enough to tell people generally that they're going to die any minute, but to predict an actual date is pretty fucked-up. Dr. H. presents to the jury the culprits -- cigarettes, corn chips, sugar and Caramellos. Dan talks about his nine-year-old daughter, who might have other plans on March 29, 2020. As it turns out, she's on the phone. Dan talks about his son who died several years ago, and cries when he talks about the urgency to ensure that his remaining child is safe. He can't imagine going home and telling his family that he's failed at this, which will hopefully provide some motivation for him to stick around a while.

And then there's Arthur. He has the most excess hydrated fat of anyone in all the Biggest Loser seasons -- 370 pounds. Turns out you get to 370 pounds of excess hydrated fat by eating a large pizza every day. Don't do that. Arthur's biological age is 34, but his inner age is 60. Dr. H. doesn't show Arthur his death date, which is good because it's probably next Tuesday, and that might freak him out a little. Arthur and Jesse get a special guest -- it's Arthur's sister and Jesse's daughter, Jessica. She has a baby named Aria, who is Jesse's 10th grandchild. Jessica delivers a hug from Arthur's daughter, who wants him to take her on rides at Disneyland. There are tears galore, and Jessica challenges Jesse to set an example for his family by pushing beyond what he thinks his best is. Jesse says that he will, and when he comes back he and Jessica will do this together. Aria cries as the camera ominously focuses on the "know your number" logo before fading out.

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Biggest Loser




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