The challenge begins. Melissa is the first to fall, after about three steps on the beam. Daris is the first one to make it across the beam. A lot of people are very, very wet. And I'm guessing their dripping selves lead to the balance beam being even more slippery. Maria has a panic attack. The Red and Black teams vie for the lead. At a crucial moment, Andrea falls into the water, thus giving the Red Team a chance to win. Melissa gets her groove, makes it across, and dunks the final ball. Immunity! Maybe this marriage can be saved after all. Black finishes, followed by the Orange Team, who are just happy not to have the two-pound disadvantage. The Pink Team finishes, as does the Green Team and the Gray Team. Patti and her numb feet are having difficulties, as predicted, but she gets across the beam with a whole lot of focus and the Purple Team manages to finish. This leaves John, representing the Brown Team solo, and the White Team, Maria and Michael.
And then, oh fuck. Maria steps onto the beam and starts to lose her balance, so steps back on the starting platform. She trips and falls face-first onto some sort of equipment. We hear her groaning, and then see blood flowing out of her nose like nacho cheese sauce from the pump. The medics attend to her as Michael looks on. She's stumbling around and has blood all over her face, like she's Lady Gaga or something. After a commercial break, Maria is taken by ambulance to the hospital. Michael says he's going with her, and two-pound penalty be damned. The poor lady. Sami announces to the others that even though the bloody-nosed happenings were tragic, Michael and Maria still get the two-pound penalty. I think Maria should get a four-pound advantage for managing not to scream, "My face! My face! My beautiful face!" as I would have done.
We return to the ranch, and Maria is back. She has a black eye and a fractured ring finger. She's doing better, but still in pain. Maria feels like she's ruined things for her son. Michael meets with Bob and asks what happened at the challenge. Once Michael tells the whole bloody story, Bob asks if Michael felt that he needed to take care of his mom when this was happening. Well yeah. Michael says he's responsible for her well being. Bob thinks that Michael has a pattern of feeling like he has to take care of his mother because she's the most important person in his life. I see what's going on here. Bob doesn't want to deal with an overbearing Italian mother-in-law. Fair. I'm surprised that he doesn't suggest sending her to a home immediately. He tells Michael that he has to be able to think about himself right now. Bob interviews that Michael is the perfect example of how everything you do in the house matters. Finishing the challenge would have given him some self-esteem, which he desperately needs if he's going to pull off the ascot that Bob's going to make him wear at their wedding. The message that he needs to work on himself comes through loud and clear to Michael, and he appreciates the fact that Bob is there for him.
And then, as if Maria hasn't been through enough, Jillian decides to confront her and give her soul a figurative black eye. But, you know, for her own good. And oh God, I think Jillian's wearing Uggs! For shame! Maria's knee is hurting from her fall. Jillian reminds her that her team has a two-pound disadvantage, then tells Maria that she has a whole "I'm fragile and weak" thing going. And in sort of a reverse Secret thing, Maria is bringing everything that she's afraid of into being. Maria is just as strong as the other moms there, but she's not acting like it. And now she's all busted up. So the situation is pretty bad. Maria cries and says, "I screwed it up for him." Jillian replies: "Maybe." She points out that Maria was so afraid of getting hurt that she backtracked and bashed her face on a cement platform. This is why overcoming fears is important -- if you don't overcome them, you'll bring them about in a dangerous way. I get what she's saying, but I also wish she'd leave Maria alone for a minute. Instead, Jillian is going to come at Maria with everything she's afraid of.
Jillian takes Maria to the pool. In the rain. The rain apparently means that God approves of Jillian's plan. Jillian holds Maria in the pool and tries to get her to calm down a bit. Maria floats on her own, which is evidence that she's letting go of the past. Next Dr. Phillian will compare this to a giant birthing pool. Maria uses a pool noodle to float and swim, very tentatively. Jillian tells her to get rid of the weakling image that's held her back for so long. Maria is proud of accomplishing something that she thought she'd never do. Jillian is also doing her a practical favor, in that there are certainly going to be more pool-related challenges throughout the season.
After a commercial break there's a product placement for Extra Sugar-Free Gum. Bob likes the watermelon flavor!
And then, oh God, there's more Dr. Huizenga. He's come back to tell the contestants that he wasn't kidding the first time around, and they're REALLY going to die. We look at Andrea's MRI, which shows a lot of fat enveloping her intestines. She already has a greater risk of heart attack than 98% of others in her age range. Darrell has a lot of competition for sickest man on campus, but may just be the winner. He has metabolic syndrome, diabetes, high blood pressure, severe sleep apnea, reflux, asthma, and a really bad family history of heart disease. And, wow. Once Darrell slims down he's going to be a dead ringer for Michael McDonald. Shine, sweet freedom!
Dr. H. then meets with Michael and Maria, so he can product place the GE Electronic Medical Records System. And so he can tell Maria that she's really fat and lazy. Over the next five years, Maria has a one in three chance of developing diabetes. And with numb feet she'll wind up with two black eyes. Michael has a potentially fatal amount of body fat, and Dr. H. shows it to him on some crazy cool looking x-ray. It's a lot of fat, as you probably guessed. Cheryl is the first to get her inner age. Her actual age is 51, and her inner age is 75. She's a smoker, which accounts for half of it. Obesity accounts for the other half.
The Tongan cousins are next to get a heaping plate of bad news, and Koli gets to see his severe sleep apnea on camera. About 100 times an hour he goes to a lighter stage of sleep, which makes it impossible to get restorative sleep. That is some serious tossing and turning. Koli wants to have kids, but his excess fat is choking his air supply, which means lame dad-ness and possible death. Ashley gets her inner age, which is 57. She's actually 27. And she has something like 260 pounds of extra hydrated fat. And is a diabetic! And, as reader Kim pointed out, is a dead ringer for Helen's flour-throwing daughter. Things are not looking good for her. But Dr. H. does say that her diabetes is reversible if she gets a whole lot skinnier. Sherry, who actually kind of looks like a more haggard Helen, says that they've been playing around with the most valuable thing they have -- their lives. And it's time to stop that, and see the value in themselves. Diabetic tears ensue.
With that, it's time for the last chance workout. There is lots of screaming a