With that, it's reckoning time. After a commercial break to build suspense, Sami lets us know that the winner of America's vote is Irene! Yay! I mean, Jay seems awesome too, and probably has a shot at the at-home prize. Irene and Jay head back to get out of their party clothes and put those awful t-shirts back on, and then Sami brings out our four trainers. And you guys, Jillian looks SO HOT. Her hair is glorious and she's wearing this black shiny dress with bondage accessories that I covet, along with some marvelous heels. Also: boobs. And a cross necklace? I'm just going to ignore that. Anyway, let me reiterate: SO HOT! Oh, I shall miss her the most. Bob and Brett are both looking dapper, and Cara seems to have walked straight out of Avenging Angel. I heard that Anna Kournikova is going to be a trainer next year, but I don't know if that means that Cara got the boot or not.

Sami reminds us of how Bob faced his fear of heights and jumped off of a building in New Zealand. He says that fear can be paralyzing, but once you face your fears you'll likely realize that they aren't so bad after all. It's true. I had a phobia of drive-through windows for a long time, because once I got a case of the giggles so fiercely at the drive-through speaker that I couldn't talk at all and felt like a total idiot. But then, after like three years, I finally wanted some McDonalds fries and a chocolate shake bad enough that I powered through. This particular example might not be exactly what Bob would use to illustrate his point, but I stand by it. Oh my God, I cannot stop looking at Jillian. Her ARMS, people! Sami asks Brett what it meant to him to come to The Biggest Loser, and he says it's all about paying it back. Better than paying it forward, if you ask me. Brett was an overweight teenager, just like Jillian! Brett rambles on about something and changing lives and I don't even know. Is he coming back? I am ambivalent on the matter.

And then it's time to talk to Jillian! The applause is so loud that we can't even hear what Sami is saying, and then the audience gives Jillian a standing ovation. Sami says thanks on behalf of everyone, and adds that we all love her a lot. WE DO! Jillian says that it's been an honor to be a part of The Biggest Loser and work side by side with the other trainers (by which she means Bob). She's eternally grateful, and now is excited to take the platform she's been given to the next level. I would be more excited about all this if her next platform didn't involve Dr. Phil. At this point I swear that it looks like Cara takes the microphone off of Brett's tie. WTF? The camera cuts quickly away and clearly no one is going to let her say anything, but I like to imagine that we were on the edge of a very dramatic moment there.