What have I done today to make me feel proud? Actually, I went to the gym. And then I ate a bucket full of pasta and meatballs. And I am in no mood, TV theme song, for you to judge me! God.

Two weeks ago, eleven teams arrived on The Biggest Loser ranch, and were met with an "epic challenge." That would be riding a marathon on stationary bikes. Just like "diva," the word "epic" needs to be properly recontextualized. Anyway, the two teams who finished last -- Blue and Yellow -- had to leave the ranch immediately. But then it turned out that they were getting a secret second chance, and the team who loses the highest percentage of weight in 30 days at home earns a spot back on the ranch. It's been 15 days, so we get to check in with these teams at home.

First we check in with Victoria and Cherita in Houston. Cherita says that they clutched inspiration from the jaws of defeat, and don't plan on quitting. We see the two of them working out in the middle of their street, which is visually striking and yet has to be unsafe. But they're working hard, and Vicky for sure wants to get the heck back on the ranch. We then head to see O'Neal and Sunshine in Minneapolis. O'Neal is determined to do everything possible to get back on the ranch, not only for himself but for his daughter. Self-preservation is the law of the nation when it comes to O'Neal and his family, and he's prepared to roll right over the Blue Team if necessary. He seems a little maniacal about the whole thing, which probably bodes well for the Yellow Team's chances. Also, he and Sunshine are actually in the gym and not just doing halfhearted leg lifts around the neighborhood, like Vicky and Cherita.

We then head back to the ranch, where it's time for a temptation challenge. With troughs! Awesome. It's student-teacher week. Each team will be comprised of a teacher and a student. Oh, geez. I know they're trying to keep things interesting, but frankly I prefer the dignified simplicity of just having to guess how many calories are in a chocolate frosted donut. In any case, the teacher will have to take everything learned from their trainers and teach it to his or her teammate. Because the next time the student will see Bob and Jillian is at the weigh-in. AND the student is the only one who will represent the team on the scale this week -- only their weight will determine who is above or below the yellow line. Everyone is pissed, and no one wants to spend a week away from Bob and Jillian. Because John and Stephanie don't have teammates, they'll be playing together this week. Oooh! Love connection?

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