Biggest Loser
Episode 3

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What a Tangled Web We Weave
ined to get through it. And she does. Those are women of steel, and if that emotional bullshit gets worked out, I think they're contenders.

Weigh-in! The Gray Team announces that they've chosen to switch up the White Team. Koli explains that Michael hasn't done much in the past three weeks, and hasn't shown why he wants to be there. It pains him and Sam to see Michael behaving this way when they've all been so lucky to have been chosen for the show. Koli says he doesn't want Michael to fall below the yellow line, but does want to let Michael know that it's time to work. Michael thinks that the Gray Team has no right to dictate how he should be working out. Well, we'll see.

The Gray Team is up on the scale first. Teacher Sam goes from 345 to 334 for a loss of 11 pounds, and student Koli goes from 366 to 353 for a loss of 13. Pretty great, and also refreshing not to see the bullshit waterlogging. The Green Team is next, and Jillian worries about how they will perform after the emotionally trying week. Migdalia goes from 245 to 237 for a loss of 8 pounds, and Miggy goes from 219 to 212 for a loss of 7. It's Miggy's weight that will count, and she's lost 3.20%. The Black Team is next, and Darrell needs to have lost more than 11 pounds to keep them safe. Andrea goes from 279 to 272 for a loss of 7 pounds, while Darrell goes from 373 to 361 for a loss of 12 pounds, or 3.22%. They're safe. The Orange Team is next. Daris needs to have lost more than 9 pounds for them to be safe. Cheryl goes from 210 to 203 for a loss of 7, while Daris goes from 310 to 301 for a loss of 9. That's 2.90%, and they fall below Miggy and Migdalia, who are safe.

John and Stephanie are next. John needs to have lost more than 13 pounds to keep them safe. Stephanie goes from 243 to 236 for a loss of 7, while John goes from 451 to 437 for a loss of 14, or 3.10%. They're safe. Next is the Red Team. Lance needs to have lost more than 9 pounds to best the Orange Team. He does it, going from 336 to 324 for a loss of 12. And then there's Melissa, who goes from 215 to 214 for a loss of 1 pound. Jillian says to Bob, "She threw the weigh-in...again." Melissa has a smirk on her face that I suspect is going to be wiped off after a commercial break.

Melissa and Lance hug, and Sami notes it's a good thing that Sam and Koli didn't decide to switch up the Red Team. Melissa starts going on a very fakey speech about how frustrated she is with her weight loss or lack thereof, and that she wants to sit on the couch and eat a cheeseburger. Jillian says, "She's full of shit. And you're not fooling anyone. You threw the weigh-in last week. This week, you threw the weigh-in again. And I don't care, because obviously it is a game. So I think the only thing that's annoying, or I'll say offensive, is that you think we're stupid." Actually, I think Jillian's drunk. Or maybe just drunk with rage? Melissa says she's offended that Jillian thinks she's lying. Jillian tells her that she would have had to have eaten 7,000 calories a day to have negated all the exercise that she's doing. Bob asks Melissa if she worked out this week, and if she's been binging. Melissa says she has been working out, but didn't hit 6,000 calories. The trainers ask if she hit 3,000. She says she did. Bob asks if Melissa understands why they're so upset, and Melissa in turn asks if they understand why she's so upset. And then things devolve into yelling and everyone else (except for the producers) is very uncomfortable. Finally Bob screams that it's not a joke here, and Melissa screams that it's not a joke to her, and Bob calms down a little bit and tells her not to lie to him. Melissa yells that she's offended that they're questioning her integrity. Jillian is offended that she's questioning their knowledge. Finally, as Melissa shrieks something else, Jillian asks Bob why they're fighting with her and Bob says it's time to move on. Um, yeah. Sami asks Lance if he has any comment. He doesn't. No wonder they're on the verge of divorce. In any case, Lance has lost 3.57%, which puts the Red Team at the top of the pack.

the White Team weighs-in next, and Michael needs to have lost more than 13 pounds to keep them safe. Maria goes from 258 to 254 for a loss of 4 pounds, while Michael goes from 481 to 471 for a loss of 10. Either way I think they wouldn't have bested the Orange Team. Sami asks Michael if he did everything he could this week. He says there's always a margin for improvement. Michael's percentage lost is 2.08%, which puts them firmly at the bottom of the pack. Only the Pink Team remains to weigh-in. Ashley needs to have lost more than 7 pounds, which is certainly possible. She goes from 345 to 333 for a loss of 12 pounds, while Sherry goes from 196 to 190 for a loss of 6. They're safe, and Michael wishes he'd have done those extra ten minutes on the treadmill. He and Maria are below the yellow line.

The contestants congregate at the house, and Maria asks the others to keep Michael. He needs their help, she says, to push harder, and is quite emotional as she notes that Dr. H. told him he was likely to have a stroke or heart attack in five years. In an interview, Maria cries that sending Michael home would be comparable to killing him. If that doesn't make this ass wake up, I don't know what will. Michael says that he's often frustrated seeing the others walk around looking comparatively limber, while he finds it painful to get up from a chair. John says he doesn't know which way he and Stephanie are going to vote. Maria is a giver, but John says that she's actually making great progress and is likely to go farther. He interviews that he wants Michael to go home because he's tired of the excuses. As another half-ton guy, John knows what knee pain feels like. He's not buying it, and says it's an insult that Michael is still here. But, I mean, you really can't go against the wishes of someone's crying mother, right? Michael, for his part, interviews that if the others send him home it will show what a bunch of cowards they are. Nice.

At the voting room, things get a little dramatic. The Orange Team votes to send Maria home. John and Stephanie vote for Michael to go home. Whoa! There is some serious Italian lady voodoo coming their way. Maria says that when their teams were on the block she granted their wishes. She views this as a slap in the face. The Black Team votes for Maria, as does the Gray Team, although they seem conflicted about it. The Red Team agrees that Michael doesn't appear to want to be there, but at the same time wants the other teams to respect their wishes if they fall below the yellow line. Which is going to happen one of these days if Lady Macbeth II keeps throwing the weigh-ins. In any case, they vote for Maria and she has officially been eliminated. John is totally going to find headless cannolis under his pillow.

Maria interviews that she's happy to have been here and experienced something great. Before coming to the ranch, she had a tremendous fear of water, which Jillian helped her to take some steps to conquer. Maria's going to keep working on it at home. She says that she and Jillian have a really close relationship, and that Jillian has made her understand that she's a stronger person, and has to live for herself. The next time we see Maria, she's going to be a completely different person -- thin, and a swimmer!

We catch up with Maria, and learn that she started the show at 281 pounds and now weighs 230 pounds. Not bad! She's proud. We relive Maria's fall by the pool during the week two challenge, and learn that she now has a swimming instructor. Hooray! Maria has invited a bunch of friends to come to her health club and display her new swimming skills. Her husband, Dominick, notes that Maria has always panicked when she saw water. But now she gets into the pool and swims a width. I mean, she's no Michael Phelps but she actually got in the pool. Not the deep end. But still. Good for her. Maria plans to swim in the ocean for the first time in her life on her family's next summer vacation. Now that's something to celebrate!

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