The competition begins, and Joelle totally breaks her beam on her first jump. Man, maybe she did deserve all that yelling from Carla and Bob. Ron doesn't make it past his first jump, either. Dan is eliminated on his second jump, quickly followed by Helen at three jumps. The rest of the contestants happily are not so lame, and Damien is next to be eliminated after 10 minutes and 57 jumps. Tara tells us that the key to this competition is not losing your concentration, which is hard to do when you're just standing in one place and jumping for minutes on end. Sadly for Filipe, he loses his focus and is out after 105 jumps. 20 minutes in, Kristin, Mandi, Tara and Dan are all still in it, and Sami announces it's over 95 degrees out. I should feel sorry for them, but having just endured 2-degree weather and ANOTHER foot of snow, I can't muster any sympathy. Mandi breaks her beam next, at 141 jumps. She breaks down crying, as is her custom this episode.
After half an hour, the beam gets faster. And then woah! These bitches have been going for an hour and 45 minutes! At 701 jumps, Dane is out, leaving Kristin and Tara to battle for the prize. Two hours have passed, and Kristin explains that she's hot, tired, sore, and thirsty. She and Tara hit 1,000 jumps. They are both relentless. Everyone else is bored out of their gourds. Finally, at 1,030 jumps and nearly two hours and 20 minutes, Kristin breaks her beam. Tara is the winner! The Green Team is safe for one more week. Both Tara and Sami give Kristin props for being so awesome. She's gracious, but pretty bummed because she wanted this for her team. Meanwhile, Tara pukes. She then says the grosses thing I've ever heard. And I quote: "Actually, that's one way I stayed alive. Because I was throwing up in my mouth." And she doesn't mean this in a 2004 snark-filled way, either. Too bad Bret Michaels isn't here to reward her with a Dorito-tinged makeout session.
We're back at the ranch, and so is Bob! He's happy to be away from the Detroit insanity and ready to administer a particularly brutal last chance workout. Joelle continues on her trajectory of lameness. Meanwhile, Blaine conjectures that Jillian needs to get her fix of inflicting pain, and this week he was her victim. He gets her back by dragging her out of the door like she's the carriage to his horse and almost killing her. She seems to enjoy that, too, to be honest. Bob pushes Mike to his breaking point, and feels accomplished when he makes Mike cry. Mike explains that he's not usually a crier, but he kind of felt like his feet were going to explode. That would bring tears to anyone. Meanwhile, has anyone noticed that Jillian's hair is looking particularly glossy and full of body this season?