Biggest Loser
Episode 4

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Half Baked

Courtney and Marci have the same favorite food, barbeque ribs. Another excellent choice! And wow. A rack of BBQ ribs is 2,012 calories. See, if I lived in the south, I would be the heaviest contestant ever on this show. Arthur would look like [interchangeable female cast member from Glee] next to me. Jennifer likes herself some macaroni and cheese of the instant variety, and we learn that a box is 1,230 calories. She talks about eating a whole box of mac n' cheese in one sitting like it's a bad thing. Seriously, hasn't everybody done that? The best is when you start with Annie's peace pasta and parmesan and add grape tomatoes and spinach and fresh mozzarella and sea salt. You're welcome. Now we can vie for the title of heaviest contestant ever! Jay likes some good Chinese takeout, which weighs in at 760 calories per meal. That doesn't even seem that bad. Jay says that when you have Chinese food, you also have to polish it off with a glass of milk and a few donuts. Everything was sounding so delicious until he opened his mouth. Unless washing down your eggrolls with a glass of two percent and a Bavarian crème is a thing that I don't know about?

Olivia's favorite food is 936-calorie monkey bread, and she helpfully gives us the recipe. You take bread, then add brown sugar, white sugar, a few sticks of butter, and pecans. Bake it in the oven, flip it over, and it's a caramel-covered loaf of deliciousness. Minus the pecans, which would send me into anaphylactic shock. But man, that sounds delicious. I am totally making that this weekend. Thanks, show! Hannah likes chocolate covered pecan cheesecake with caramel. I believe that's a turtle cheesecake, which contains 1,488 calories per slice. Hannah explains that she loves cheesecake, and has occasionally eaten it out of the garbage. She instantly regrets telling us that, which is a good impulse. But after telling you about the very spicy poops, who am I to judge?

Each team will have three minutes alone to eat as much or as little as they choose. The team who eats the highest number of calories gets to choose which team will be banished to The Unknowns. Irene and Don are both singles, and so will be paired up as a team. Courtney and Marci are in the temptation room first, and don't eat a crumb. Courtney quite correctly says that when you go home you'll be tempted by everything all the time, so if you can't get through a three-minute challenge on the ranch there's not much hope for you. Jay and Jennifer are next. Jennifer takes a long look at the macaroni and cheese, and says she'd vomit if she ate it. I think that's true, only if because that is some cold, crusty-ass Kraft product. The Green Team eats zero calories.

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Biggest Loser

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