Biggest Loser

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It's Not Easy Being Green

And there's more! Melissa and Lance talk in their room about "the whole Jillian thing." Why do they have, like, a red velvet vibrating bed? Melissa says that they're both mad, but they did come here to lose weight and change their lives. And Jillian's pretty good at helping with that. Melissa wants to move on. Lance would rather stick with Bob, but is willing to go along with Melissa's will. And then, fuck me, this is a product placement for some sort of Biggest Loser book. I will give it to these bitches that they're getting better at fooling me, I guess.

And then there's yet another product placement. Zip-Loc bags. They save your vegetables from getting all rotten-like!

With that, it's time for a challenge. Already! This must mean there's even more drama later. The contestants meet Sami at a construction site. Each team has a cage attached to a rope, and must use the rope to lift themselves 120 feet in the air, to the top of the crane. The first team to the top wins. And what do they win? Phone calls from home! Greedy Melissa wants to talk to her stupid kids in addition to having immunity. The team that wins will get to assign phone calls home to three other teams as well. Miggy tells us that she and Migdalia probably won't be picked by any of the other teams, so they want to win this. In every interview this episode, Migdalia looks like she's in the throes of crippling depression. I'm just saying.

The teams begin cranking themselves up with a bar attached to their cage. This is some hard work they have to do. There is a lot of screaming, and a lot of grimacing. The Red Team is doing mysteriously well, and trail the Gray Team by just a bit. The Pink Team is still, like, on the ground. They decide to take a breather. The Gray Team retains a minor lead and look like they're going to take it when the Red Team opens a can of holy shit and start pumping their bar furiously, with Melissa screaming like a banshee. Thankfully, it's too late and the Gray Team wins! Melissa cries. Sam also cries, because he misses his mom and dad so much. That's so sweet! And now he and Koli get to choose three other teams to share in the prize. They choose the Red Team, because they're good guys and respect quality competitors. Also, kids and stuff. Miggy and Migdalia also get a call. Migdalia's son's birthday is in a few weeks, and her husband leaves in five weeks. Oooh, I wonder if he's in the military. In any case, Miggy is thankful. Migdalia finally cracks a smile. The final call goes to John, who lost his brother in the first week and has a baby boy at home. Everyone loves Sam and Koli! Red Team, take note.

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Biggest Loser

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