Biggest Loser
Episode 5

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Don't Get It Twisted

Meanwhile, apparently Cheerios are good for you! As Bl/Da(i)ne says, you can't go wrong with Cheerios! I wonder if Jillian lies in bed at night hating herself for having to do these product placements. If so, I'm sure she pops a slice of Extra Sugar Free Gum in her mouth and suddenly feels great about herself again.

And then it's already time for the last chance workout! Jillian is sick of having to say "it's do or die" every week. Aubrey notes that a last chance workout with Jillian is terrifying. In part, I'm sure, because she psychoanalyzes everyone as she tells them that she doesn't give a shit if their hearts explode. When Laura tells Jillian, upon prompting, that she wants to love her body more than she loves food, Jillian asks Laura if she really loves food. Laura REALLY loves food. Well, yeah, she weighs 300 pounds. Jillian wants Laura to feed her soul. But not with the kind of soul food that involves bacon fat and hambones. Jillian only has three teams compared to Bob's five, so Tara knows that as soon as one of them falls below the yellow line, they're gone.

Bob beats his team nearly as hard is Jillian is beating hers. As it happens, Joelle is still all over the place and can't focus on what she's doing. Filipe says he wouldn't be surprised if she goes below the yellow line. Everyone on her team kind of hates her again, including Carla. And Bob. He says that Carla is going to have to work ten times harder to overcompensate for Joelle's punk-ass ways. In surprising news, Shannon, even though she's a crier, is really tough. She's so tough that she walks across the floor with Sione on her back. That doesn't seem so good for the old spine, does it? Shannon manages to survive it, though, and feels proud about it to boot. ["Loved that the only thing she complained about was that he was sweaty. I wouldn't want to pick up a sweaty 300 lb. man under any circumstances either." -- Angel]

With that, it's weigh-in time! Jillian reminds us that if her team doesn't win this, they're dead. Her seriousness is underscored by her glossy, shiny, fabulous hair. Sami tells everyone that they'll be weighing in as teams. First, though, the Yellow Team announces that they're going to take the two-pound advantage for their challenge prize. Good move, I think. Sione and Filipe have immunity, and so will be weighed in first. Sione goes from 324 to 316 for a loss of 8, while Filipe goes from 311 to 308 for a loss of 3. That's 11 pounds total, or 1.73%. Methinks there were some water sports involved, but I guess that's their prerogative since they have immunity. The Yellow Team hits the scale next. Mandi goes from 227 to 221 for a loss of 6, while Aubrey goes from 234 to 224 for a loss of 10. Aw, good work Yellow ladies! That's 16 pounds total. Aubrey feels particularly good, and like she redeemed herself a bit. She gives a shout-out to Jillian for kicking her butt but good. With the two-pound advantage included, Mandi and Aubrey have lost 3.90%. ["Though Mandi's joke about how they should have taken the cash instead didn't make Sami happy. Not one bit. Which in turn made me very happy. So go Mandi! Keep on wisecracking." -- AC]

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Biggest Loser

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