Biggest Loser
Episode 6

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Life Is Like a Room of Chocolates

I miss the old opening sequence of this show, not only because it made me reflect upon what I had done today to make me feel proud, but also because it reduced my actual time of recapping by two minutes. So lengthy! I'm sure they needed to reclaim that time for freaking Justin's motivational speeches. We wouldn't want to miss a second of those oratory delights.

We are reminded that Larialmy got the boot last week, while Q remained. And to think we never even learned how to properly pronounce her name. After the elimination, Sami brings all the remaining contestants together to give them some updates on the new team structure. From this point forward, all of Brett and Cara's players will be wearing red. Bob and Jillian's players have a difficult decision to make - blue or black? In a nanosecond they choose black. Justin is excited because now the competition is really on, while I'm excited because I get to weave lyrics from Les Miserables throughout my recap. Red! The blood of angry men! Black! The dark of ages past! I DO hear the people sing, singing the song of fatty men. Those people are you. Sing, dammit! Don't let the wine go to your brains!

Hannah is excited to be on the Black Team, because they're showing what they're made of, Johnny Cash style. It is also the color of the night that ends at last. Justin says that the opposing team chose black, and they'll give them the blue that goes with it. He howls with laughter and I'm guessing he's either drunk, completely exhausted, or about to have some sort of medical emergency. You never can tell. With that, it's time for the temptation challenge. Also known as a sign to rally the people, to call them to arms, to bring them in line! Boy, do I want to put down the computer and just go listen to the Les Miz soundtrack on repeat. Oh days as a musical theater nerd, how I have missed thee! Courtney says that the Black Team may not be as physically strong as the Reds, but they've beaten them before.

And then the contestants walk into a terrifying scene. Light jazz plays as Sami, bedecked in a leopard skin coat, enters a room of romance. Olivia tells us that it's like a mafia prom, and/or like Valentine's Day exploded and/or barfed all over the room. There is a fountain with rose petals and chocolate galore. I think the lack of a chocolate fountain is a big missed opportunity. The temptation of fondue is one of the greatest temptations of all. Sami tells the contestants that tonight they'll find out what they value more - the power of love or the love of power. I value the Celine Dion version of "Power of Love" more than the Huey Lewis version of "Power of Love," but just barely. The winner of the temptation challenge will have the option to trade two players on their team for two players on the other team. Someone is totally going to be a dick and do this. Those players will change t-shirts, change teams, and change trainers, and they could change the outcome of the entire game.

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Biggest Loser

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