Biggest Loser

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Blame It on the Blaine

God, Biggest Loser, I haven't done ANYTHING today to make me feel proud. Stop asking! You're giving me a complex.

We enter with Ron and Mike having a little talk. Ron says that, given their calories out and calories in, they should be losing more weight. Ron wonders if maybe Mike is overdoing it. We are reminded that Carla and The Evil Joelle went home last week, and it was all The Evil Joelle's fault. Ron says that this week they're going to have to sit down with Bob and figure out what they're doing right and wrong. I'll tell you what Ron is doing wrong -- continuing to take off his shirt at weigh-ins. I feel like his six-pack of moobs are making nasty faces at me, and I don't like it. Ron once again tells Mike that he'll be just like Ron in the future unless he literally shapes up. Spare the treadmill, spoil the moobs. Mike explains that both of them want to be there for his brother, Max, who is 16 years old and just as big as Mike is. They want to be able to go home and help him out, too.

Sami enters, looking all glowing and preggers. She takes the contestants outside, for what they assume are evil purposes. Those evil purposes involve colorful blocks set up by the pool, and something called a "pop challenge." Everyone is very confused. Knowing this show, you'd think they were about to be challenged to drink ten gallons of soda pop for a \$10,000 prize or a two-pound pass. But instead, Sami explains that each contestant will stand on a block, on one foot. The question becomes, she says, "How long can you hold it?" That would have been the same question in the 10 gallon soda pop challenge, too. Whoever puts their foot down last wins. And I mean, seriously. What riveting physical challenge will this show come up with next? Who can wiggle their toes the longest? Who can go the longest without yawning? I would lose that last one. The winner will get to reconnect with someone they love for 24 hours on the campus. Conjugal visit! That would burn some calories. Everyone really wants to win this one.

The contestants step on their blocks and the challenge begins. In 10 seconds, Ron's out, followed quickly by Mike and Kristin. Kristin is bummed that she couldn't bring her husband Nick to campus. Tara goads the others into some shit talking, then not only loses her balance but falls in the pool. Shannon falls off of her block and into Helen, which knocks both of them out. Blaine (or Dane?), the Blue Team, the Yellow Team, and Laura are still in it after five minutes. Laura and Sione are soon out. Blaine has pain. And then Mandi totally whines, "Filipe... let me see my husband." Punk-ass! Filipe says he knew the right thing to do in his heart, and so steps off. Mandi then makes a plea to Blaine. Blaine asks Aubrey if she'll let Mandi have it, and Aubrey says of course she will. With that they both step off and Mandi wins. These people are way too nice. I might have stepped off IF she agreed to cook me healthy meals for a month, but otherwise forget it. Mandi gets 24 hours with her husband, which equals 23.5 hours of boffing.

Biggest Loser

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