Next, we have Lance. He needs to have lost more than 5 pounds. He goes from 314 to 305 for a loss of 9 pounds. Oh, drat. I mean, really, drat by association. That's 2.87%, and Lance is safe. With only Melissa left to weigh in, Cheryl and Darrell are definitely below the yellow line, and Darrell is in danger of falling below the red line as well. Melissa steps up to the scale. She gives us some nonsense about how she can't figure out her body, because she loses 12 pounds one week and gains one the next. Don't think we've forgotten about your lying ways, missy, and don't lie to us more to try to convince us that you're being truthful. Melissa has only to lose more than 3 pounds to stay safe. She goes from 198 to 199 for a gain of one! Holy crapamole! Well, maybe she wasn't lying after all. Go figure. A tearful Melissa says that at least she gets to see her kids. She notes that, compared to the others, she has no serious medical issues and also is close to her goal weight. She asks the others to keep Lance there, and keep him motivated. Oh, please. Lance is going to be living large. Melissa tells Lance that he can't come home until he weighs under 250 pounds.

Anyway, Melissa falls below the red line, and is eliminated. She and Lance have a mushy hug goodbye, which makes everyone else feel awkward. She tells us that she knew she wouldn't make it to the end, because she's not big enough, but this is much earlier than she would have liked to have gone home. Tell that to everyone else who has been eliminated from this show, sister.

This leaves Darrell and Cheryl below the yellow line. I was ruminating on the awesomeness of this rhyming bottom two and almost missed Sami announcing that there's another twist! There's no voting in the Olympics. Well, except for figure skating, kind of. And there's no voting tonight. Tonight Cheryl and Darrell will go head to head in an elimination challenge! The loser goes home. Each contestant has to balance a torch stem on his or her head. When it falls, their flame will go out. The first one whose flame goes out will be eliminated. What a weird-ass challenge. It looks uncomfortable too, as each has to stand in some kind of effed-up squat. Darrell's knees start burning, and we get a close-up on his sweatpanted crotch that I will never be able to erase from my brain. Thanks, Biggest Loser. The contestants are still going strong at three minutes, then four minutes, then five minutes, then six minutes. Riveting, I know. Andrea's heart breaks as she sees Darrell wincing in pain. Cheryl's torch is awfully crooked-looking. It's a fight to the death... that will be continued next week, bitches!