What have I done today to make me feel proud? Well, this is actually what I did yesterday to make me feel proud. Today was a bit prideless. In any case, one word: Cardioke. If you think it's bad when you're singing The Pussycat Dolls while doing high-impact aerobics, just wait until Billy Blanks, Jr.'s beard comes out to sing a song that she wrote during the cool down. Now excuse me while I practice the Cardioke Slide. Duck left, duck right, walk it out!
And whoa! Biggest Loser is live! Kind of. With a double elimination! That happens on film. But we're outside of one of the eliminated contestants' house! To see how they look now! Bob, hanging out with various and friends, tells us that this is going to be a great night. I'm not so sure. But you know what was a great night? Last Tuesday, when Biggest Loser was only an hour. There are ten contestants left. You know who they are.
We are reminded that last week involved some Marines shenanigans at Camp Pendleton. The contestants are still getting over it. Several of the contestants actually gained weight thanks to the mess hall, and they're happy to be back on the ranch where there is Extra Sugar Free Gum instead of breakfast sausage. Sami greets the contestants and notes that three contestants gained weight last week, which is a Biggest Loser record. Then she announces that the contestants will no longer be competing as Black versus Blue -- they're going back to their original colors. But they're not competing as singles -- they'll be competing as pairs. One person will get to pick the pairs. To add to the drama, two players will be eliminated at the end of the week. This show never stops! Sami is so innocuous, yet such a deliverer of evil messages.
The contestants sit around and wonder if a whole team will go home, or if two individuals from different teams will go home. Mark thinks that he's a big target given that he's lost the highest percentage of weight in the house. Frado asks for volunteers to go home, and Lisa half-jokingly raises her hand. She's about 60% sure that she wants to be on campus, which is a bit irritating to the others. Jesse says that nobody wants to be on Lisa's team, because to be paired with somebody who isn't giving it her all is certain doom.
Bob and Jillian meet the contestants in the gym and are ready to give a few wake-up calls to the group. Bob takes Brendan and Patrick and gets tough with them, saying that he's wanted to snap Brendan like a twig for weeks. With sweat dripping off of his beard, Patrick takes a moment to tell us that Bob is killing them. Ada is also part of the tortured team, as Bob screams, "I got a mission! I got a job to do! I got a job to do!" He sounds insane, which is a nice touch. Jillian, meanwhile, tells her trainees that they will never win. Just when they think they've won, she'll press the up button on the treadmill. Jillian confirms that she and Bob plan to kill everybody to get them back on track after Camp Pendleton.