Biggest Loser
Episode 8 (Part 1)

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Tears on the Treadmill

It is -- quite dramatically -- morning at the ranch. Helen reminds us that Shanon, her teammate and daughter, was sent packing. She explains that Shanon wanted to go home, and so everyone else supported her decision by voting her the heck off. Methinks Helen is downplaying her own role in this, but whatevs. Helen places Shanon's water bottle on a shelf next to other water bottles of eliminated contestants. A jar of lemons sits next to them, perhaps reminding us that no matter how bad the situation is you can make low-calorie sugar-free lemonade. Or maybe lemon growers are now a Biggest Loser sponsor? "When you feel a craving for something sweet... suck on a lemon!" Helen misses Shanon and also maybe feels a little guilty.

The contestants meet Sami for a pop challenge and find two boards: one is stacked with blue shirts, and the other is stacked with black shirts. That's right beyotches -- it's goodbye to the two-person teams and hello Blue versus Black! Sami announces that no one will be guaranteed to keep his or her trainer. However, the person who wins the challenge will get to choose which team to be on. The team that comes in last will automatically be split up - one with each trainer. All the other teams will be at the mercy of a coin toss. I think they should flip a bagel instead. The challenge is a football drill called "up downs." Each team will choose one member to play and that person will, upon Sami's command, drop to the ground, then pop up and touch his or her team's colored disk. The first person to do this 100 times wins. And by the way, this whole thing is being played in the mud. If they were really sadistic, this would be played in a field of butter cream frosting.

The contestants begin! Sione is playing for the Blue Team, thinking that he has it in the bag. However, Tara catches up with and eventually surpasses him. Sione catches back up and it's an absolute tie until Tara gets a little extra oomph in her muddy butt and reaches 100 just before Sione. Laura runs over to congratulate her and Tara starts crying and saying she can't breathe. She certainly seemed to work hard, so Laura should leave her alone to take a damn rest. The remaining contestants duke it out to avoid last place. Dane, Sione, Aubrey and Mike finish, leaving Kristin and Helen to battle it out in excruciating slow motion. In the end, Kristin finishes before Helen and won't automatically be separated from her mom.

Sami regroups everyone to determine the new teams. Tara and Laura are of course going to stay with Jillian and so don new black shirts. Tara jokes that they're slimming. Because Helen came in last, she'll definitely be switching trainers. She's quite upset to leave Bob, and likely knows that Jillian is going to slaughter her. Sione and Filipe prepare for the coin toss, which also happens in excruciating slow motion. It lands on black and Sione says that, no offense to the Black Team, he's pissed. He feels like he's betraying someone he loves. In good news, though, he and Filipe get to stay together even if it is under conditions of extreme duress and beatings. Aubrey and Mandi are next. Sami explains that if the coin lands on blue, they'll both be together on Bob's team, but if it's black they'll have to be separated. I don't understand the rules of this coin toss at all. The coin lands on blue and both Mandi and Aubrey are upset to leave Jillian. Mandi explains how much the trainers mean to all of the contestants. Dane's coin toss is next, in somewhat faster motion, and he ends up on the Blue Team as well.

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Biggest Loser

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