Biggest Loser
Episode 8 (Part 1)

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Tears on the Treadmill

Oh, but God. Sione, Filipe and Mike join Helen in talking to Bob, and Bob starts crying like Liberace at an out-of-tune piano. He says that it's difficult to see them in black shirts. From my point of view it's still better than seeing them naked. These bitches need to chill. Bob says that he doesn't want to walk into the gym without them. Helen feels lost without Bob, and Sione would rather go home than face a Bob-less gym. Oh, holy fuckballs. Seriously, take a gander with this dialogue:

Bob: I don't know. [Sniff.] Ugh, I can't believe I'm like this right now. I have to walk in there and be a trainer and I'm like, I don't want to go in there without you guys.
Helen: I hate it. I feel so lost. I don't know.
Sione: Honestly, I told Filipe this morning, I'd rather go home.
Bob: Well you can't go home. You gotta work hard, man. You gotta work haaard.
Filipe [with voice cracking]: How? You tell me.
Bob [with voice cracking and increased tears and hands grasping at prolonged forehead]: I don't know! I'm having a real tough time [sigh, sob]...ugh. I mean, I'm gonna miss you guys. That's just the bottom line. [Pause.] I have to go in there and be a trainer.

[Cue orgy of sadness and hugs and sniffles and a very sad song, which would only be more effective if it were that guy with the dead wife from Idol singing "Hero."]

[Oh, and then FUCK, cue a montage of Bob sharing special moments with his former team members. They laughed! They clapped! They pumped their fists! They carried Bob on a picnic table at the beach (the fuck?)! And most importantly, they hugged. And occasionally, we are left to imagine, they ran on the fucking treadmill.]

Finally, Bob's former team members watch him wistfully as he walks the path to the gym. Which is like two feet away. I swear, these bitches have worn me out.

But wait! It's not over! Kristin is actually crying as she lifts weights. Bob tells her that he's about to lose his shit and can't even hold it together right now. He adds that he's never been this upset on the show before, ever. Frankly, I think the roids are starting to take hold. Bob tells Kristin that he was outside talking to the forcibly defected contestants and he was dying. He interviews that though this is the hardest thing he's ever had to go through on the show, it's all going to work out somehow. He regains his focus as he shows Aubrey and Mandi correct weight lifting form. Aubrey interviews that it was difficult and a bit overwhelming to have to deal with a new style and personality. [And a trainer that clearly has no interest in actually training them because he's so brokenhearted. -- Angel] Additionally, Bob doesn't really know where they are physically, so Mandi says that they were prepared for him to push them until they broke. And, apparently, he does. But they still don't break down like the aforementioned drama queen babies.

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Biggest Loser




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