Biggest Loser
Episode 9

Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!

Last week: It was revealed that two people would be going home, which made the Black Team go the fuck crazy. Mother Marci said she was willing to sacrifice herself so that all the young people could stay, and then wound up being the only one of three elders who remained on the ranch after they threw the weigh-in. Deni fell below the red line and was automatically eliminated, while Jesse was ousted after a vote. The whole thing put me in a rage, proving that it is still possible for me to have feelings where this show is concerned. And here I thought the artificial sweetener in the copious pieces of Extra Sugar-Free Gum that I have consumed had physiologically deadened me inside.

After the dastardly elimination, the Red Team rejoins the Black Team so Sami can make one of her trademark dramatic announcements. The teams are even at seven apiece now, and have become like family... almost. But there's nothing that can replace the real thing... which the contestants will experience this week, because they're going home! Home! The place where pizza is always available and you can buy whipped cream at the gas station! Good luck, suckers. Everyone is very excited to see their loved ones. Austin tells us that his 21st birthday is in five days. He wonders if he has the balls to tell his friends that he can't stay up all night. He doesn't mention the cake and the legal drinking that may ensue. On that note, Sami warns everyone that they will be surrounded by temptations at home. As extra incentive to avoid them, Sami tells them that they'll be participating in a 5K when they return, similar to their first one on campus. After the initial elation, the contestants start to get a little nervous. Olivia wonders if her friends will be on board to support her changed self, Moses knows that temptations will await him, and Justin just wants to bang his wife.

We head to Salt Lake City with Sarah; then Portland, Oregon with Arthur; Logan, Utah with Justin and Rulon; Pasadena with Ken and Austin; Long Branch, New Jersey with Jay and Jen; Nashville with Hannah; Queens with Olivia; Portland, Oregon with Irene; Shelley, Idaho with Kaylee and Moses; and Valparaiso, Indiana with Marci and Courtney. Friends and family have gathered in all of the locations to welcome their respective Losers. Arthur's party is at his daughter's elementary school, and he tells us the tale of how he was worried that it would embarrass his daughter if he brought her to school on her first day. She wanted him to bring her, though, and held her head high even when others started to whisper, because she was proud of her dad. Arthur is crying and I am totally crying, too. Gah! That story just kills me. Arthur tells us that he still has a long way to go, but now he can hold his head up high when he walks through the building. Jesse leads the crowd in a chant as Arthur enters, and then grabs his daughter for a huge hug. His wife is bawling for real as she holds their son. I hope they're not going to make Arthur sit in an elementary school chair.

Next, we see Marci's big entrance. She sure does look fly. She hugs her husband and tells the crowd that if they think she looks good, they ought to see Courtney. And then they do see Courtney, and she does indeed look gorgeous. Her dad is proud.

Olivia is next to make an entrance at a relatively modest party in her apartment. She gives her husband a huge hug, and he totally wants to bone her right there on the floor. It turns out that he's lost 57 pounds himself! Olivia has lost 59, and celebrates her victory. Hannah's dad cries almost as hard as Arthur's wife when she makes her entrance. Irene looks fly, and I bet her family is as cool and fun as she is. Ken's daughter, Abby, tells us that he looks half the size that he was. She's thrilled to be getting her dad back. Sarah's family is very impressed at her foxiness, and Deni tells us that she looks even more beautiful than when she left a week ago. Jen wears a sparkly top and twirls and gives big hugs. Moses hugs his wife and daughter and talks about what an amazing experience he's had. He then introduces Kaylee, who knocks everyone's athletic socks off.

Rulon and Justin enter their party together, and someone's mom gets really emotional. Rulon's wife, Kamie, tells us that he looks amazing, and she's proud of him. Justin's wife, Julie, is also very proud, and knows that he can do anything he puts his mind to. Justin and Rulon cry too, and Rulon gets big applause when he takes off his reveal a long-sleeved t-shirt. Sexay! These two get straight to the inspirational speeches, of course. Rulon tells us that this is a bit of a hard transition for him, since he's still ashamed of what he was, but everyone can see that they're changing, which is something special.

Just when you think that the show is going to let you off the emotional hook and you can put your box of Kleenex down, we cut back to Moses. He tells everyone that a little over two years ago he was in the hospital, because he had a tumor in his kidney. After surgery, his wife leaned over him and said that she couldn't do this without him. He wants her to know now that he's not going to allow that to happen. Moses's wife, Anita, tells us that she's lucky to have him back in her life and strong again. Moses thanks the show, then reveals his intention to win the whole shebang. I think he just might do it, too.

After a commercial break, we join Courtney behind the counter at Dairy Queen. Oh boy. She tells us that it's pretty scary to have tempting foods all around her. And lest you forget, Dairy Queen actually has really delicious savory foods too, like chicken fingers and fries. And the Blizzards. Always the Blizzards. In the past, Courtney says, she made really bad food choices. Being at the ranch has helped her come home and be successful at avoiding temptation. She has a grilled chicken salad with her at work. She could at least put some sprinkles on it or dip it in that chocolate sauce that magically hardens. Or put it in a parfait cup layered with peanuts and hot fudge. Dairy Queen is a place of magic and happiness, unless you weigh 600 pounds already.

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Biggest Loser




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