David weighs in next. He was pretty much a punk throughout his tenure on the show and actually went to the Chinese buffet on camera. That's bravado. David needs to have lost more than 188 pounds to best Jerry. He goes from 393 to 350 for a loss of 43 pounds. That's 10.94%. I mean, good for him for losing something, I guess. Jerry just looks sad for him, though. Daniel is next. He was entirely lovable in his largess, and seemed dedicated to making a change. Daniel needs to have lost more than 217 pounds to take the lead from Jerry. He started at 454 pounds and now weighs 312 for a loss of 142. Yaaaay! That's 31.28%. And Jerry is still in the lead.
There are only three more players to weigh in, and we get to see them in their finery. There's Laura, who's looking good. And oof -- there's Shanon the flour-thrower, who looked about 55 when she came out. I think it's the severe fake tan. And then of course there's Ron. Sami brings up the moment when Shanon and Helen decided which of them would go home. In the end, I think it was the right decision because Helen had the balls to take it to the end. Shanon agrees, and says that it meant a lot to her to be able to do that for her mom. Ron thanks America for choosing Mike to be in the finals, and says that even though all three of the finalists deserve to win, he's pulling for Mike. Sami could maybe throw Laura one question about her hip! Jeez. Before we go to commercial we check back in with Erinn and Amanda. Those poor girls.
When we return, Sami asks Jerry if he thinks he has the $100,000. Judging by the looks of the final three to weigh-in, I'd say yes. Jerry rocks. Laura is first to weigh-in, and is happy now that people are asking her on dates again. She needs to have lost more than 136 pounds to take the lead from Jerry. Laura goes from 285 to 199 for a loss of 86 pounds, or 30.18%. Yay, Laura! Shanon is next. She really has a lustrous head of hair. This reminds me of a new game I like to play with my cat, called "Fuzzy or Fatty?" Basically, I roll her over then aggressively rub her belly and try to determine if it is a mass of excess flub or if her lustrous Maine coon fluffball tendencies just make it look that way. So far, the jury is out. I don't think Shanon would take well to me aggressively rubbing her belly, but you never know. She goes from 283 to 191 for a loss of 92 pounds or 32.51%. That's great, but still not enough to beat Jerry! He totally has this. Ron is last to weigh in. To beat Jerry, he needs to have lost more than 206 pounds. Sami says that it all comes down to Ron and Jerry, and Jerry yells, "The old guys!" Indeed. Ron goes from 430 to 238 for a loss of 192. That's totally amazing, but not amazing enough! Jerry wins! And he did it all by himself, motherchuckers! Jillian comes out on stage to give him a hug, and he picks her up! Soon he's going to be doing one-armed push-ups like Jack Palance. One of Jerry's grandkids joins him on the stage, and then everyone gives him a group hug. Jerry deserves every cent of that money. Well done, sir!