Biggest Loser

Episode Report Card
Potes: A | 5 USERS: A+
In With the Old

Poor Damien has to follow this. Damien had porn-star nipples at his first weigh-in. You don't see that often on this show. He is super-cute, and Sami would totally steal him from Nicole if this was an episode of Days of Our Lives. Sami tells Damien that he needs to have lost more than 182 pounds to take the lead. Damien replies, "You can have it, Jerry." Hee. Damien started at 381 pounds and now weighs 245, for a loss of 136. Not enough to beat Jerry, but he's thrilled nonetheless. Nicole is next, and I think she's already crying. Man, does she look great. Before she weighs in, Damien runs up to the top of the scale and gives her a giant hug. I hope they're boning like porn stars now, as a tribute to Damien's likely shrunken nipples. Nicole started at 269 pounds and now weighs 146 for a loss of 123 pounds! That's 45.72%. Not enough to best Jerry, which means that she and Damien are going to have to spend their honeymoon at a Days Inn. Sorry, guys!

Oooh! And now it's time to catch up with Sione and Filipe. I am eagerly anticipating the hotness that will be Sione. And then, ahhhhhhh! Seriously, so hot. And he's working it like a pro. Filipe looks good for Filipe, but damn, is Sione fine! Oh, and hey! It's Carla! She looks great and like she will still cut a bitch. Joelle's weight loss looks to be pretty minimal, and she is also still a nutcase. She offers a hand to Carla onstage, and Carla takes it. Sami reminds Joelle that she is the only person, like, ever to make Bob totally flip out. Carla says that she didn't understand at the time, but she'll take it, because progress is hard. And watching Bob flip out is fun. Bob gave her pain, but she and Carla are celebrating joy now. Sami asks about the status of their relationship, and Carla says that things are going well. She thanks Joelle for calling her about the casting and giving her this opportunity. Well, that's good. Sami then asks Filipe and Sione about their Tongan exercise class. Filipe says that there's been such a great response that they're going to start holding it at a local high school. And then bonus! Filipe and Sione do a Tongan dance for us! It is totally hot and makes me want to defile Sione. It's too bad he's already married, because he could totally have his own dating show, on which I'd be a contestant. Sorry, Bret Michaels!

After a commercial break, it's time for Sione and Filipe and Carla and Joelle to weigh in. 64-year old Jerry is still in the lead and, when asked how he's feeling, deadpans, "Pretty good!" We go through a montage of Sione's journey, and are reminded that his wife is really hot, too. It's good times in that house. Sami tells Sione that he needs to have lost more than 178 pounds to beat Jerry. Sione isn't too hopeful about that. He goes from 372 to 226 for a los of 146 pounds! That's 39.25%, which is great, but not enough to dethrone the old man. Filipe is up next. He is all about helping the Tongan community. For a minute he was all about screaming at Jillian, but we'll leave that in the past where it belongs. Filipe needs to have lost more than 174 pounds to beat Jerry. He goes from 364 to 229 for a loss of 135! That's 37.09%, and Jerry is still in the lead. Jerry says that he's surprised and adds, "Those guys are tough guys!" Sami is not sure what to do with crazy addled Jerry by her side.

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Biggest Loser




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