It's The Biggest Loser live finale! We have a final four, and the first order of business will be to pare down to a final three. Well, technically the first order of business is to bring the real star of the show -- the giant scale -- back on to the stage. But once that's happened, we get to learn whether our votes put Amanda or Liz into the finals. Amanda emerges first, looking pretty fly, if wearing a top is made of pink cupcake wrappers. I guess if you can't eat cupcakes, you need to find some way to use the wrappers. It's like a Project Runway challenge. Amanda's hair is phenomenal, and I think Sami's jealous that her own locks don't compare. Amanda says that she hasn't worn a dress since she was a little girl, but today she feels beautiful. That's what the glow of phantom cupcakes will do to you.
And then there's Liz, who, at 49, has spent most of her life taking care of a husband, three children, and nine grandchildren. Finally she decided to help the one person she overlooked -- herself. Liz comes busting onto the stage also looking fly, with her fatter hologram self next to her. I guess Amanda had that too, but I was so transfixed by her hair that I didn't notice. Sami points out that Liz wanted to quit the show for a solid month. Liz says that she told someone on the second day of the show that she wanted to go home, because this isn't what she signed up for. They told her that this fresh hell was, in fact, exactly what she signed up for. And lo, she was encouraged to continue, and here she is!
And the person who we, the American people, voted into the final three is...Amanda! Ah, too bad for Liz. But neither one of them stands a chance of winning, so it's hard to get too worked up about it. Amanda thanks us for believing in her twice. Liz is very quiet and appears to have lost her heaping tablespoons of sass, at least momentarily.
And then it's time to see all the contestants who got booted off early! Antoine is first, and holy crap is he hot! And then there's Alexandra, who looks fab and happy. And then there's Sean, who looks more like K.D. Lang than ever. And finally, Julio! I forgot all about him! He has some new facial hair, and unbuttons his jacket so we can see his downsized gut. Sami talks to our old friends, first asking Sean about the new addition to his family. Turns out he had a little girl, named Jillian May! Jillian May likes this. And then there's Alexandra and Antoine, who are totally dating! We learned this earlier in the season in their at-home updates. Alexandra says that losing weight is hard, but having a hot, sexy support system makes it all possible. Antoine didn't come on the show expecting to find love, but he says that life's greatest moments sometimes happen at unexpected times. Then there's Julio, who's fit by 40, as he promised. He's a new man, and can even play with his kids! It's good times for all.