Biggest Loser
Get Moving

Episode Report Card
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Red Line Special

Previously: We're all fat, kids included. And now Jillian is coming for us.

We enter with the White Team's Danni, Pam and Nate discussing the trauma that was TC going home. His sobs haunt the halls of the ranch! And of course Nikki wasted little time in getting the fuck out of there once she hit 240 minutes straight of Jillian screaming at her. So the White Team is down to a measly three people. It may turn out that they're small and mighty, or it may turn out that they're small and completely screwed.

Cut to the next morning, when Sami greets the contestants at home to deliver the news that they'll once again be facing a red line. Terror abounds! There is some good news, though. Well, maybe "good" is overstating. Each of the trainers has gotten the opportunity to design their own outdoor workout space. The Blue Team gets to visit Bob's space first, which is basically like Caligula. There are various beautiful, toned, scantily clad people swinging on bars and bounding around and doing handstands and the like. Gina can't even look at the men for fear that her marriage will spontaneously combust. These beautiful people are meant to inspire the contestants as to what they might one day be able to do in a space designed for "functional movement." Michael is skeptical.

And then it's time for the Red Team to go to Dolvett's Dungeon. Yes, the words "Dolvett's Dungeon" were just uttered and I had to fan myself. There are ropes and a sandbox and various machines, and Dolvett says that it is designed "to force you to use your body in different ways that you're not accustomed to." Reow! Sign me up! He adds that sometimes you have to go to hell to get to heaven, and by that I suppose he means anal. Dolvett is all the beautiful people that he needs, so there are no superfluous extras around. We learn that Jackson, since he has been continuously throwing up everything, has only been cleared to do the occasional leisurely stroll, so Dolvett sends him off to the Presidential Walk. Jackson came out as gay at age 14 and was tortured by other kids, and now he volunteers doing outreach with young queer people at a Unitarian church. One of the goals there is for kids to lead happy healthy lives, and Jackson feels that it's hypocritical to preach health and fitness when he's so heavy.

Then it's time to go to Jillian's relatively spartan workout space. The design reflects her philosophy that your best workout tool is your own body weight. Or, often, Jillian's body weight added to your own. Her team instantly feels dread, which must just melt into the constant low-level dread that is their general state of being these days.

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Biggest Loser




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