Biggest Loser
Lead By Example

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Roll the Dice

Previously: Danni was the last White Team member standing, and despite being terrified of spending all that quality time with Jillian, she prevailed in the challenge and the weigh-in, and just generally in kicking all kinds of ass. Despite the fact that the Blue Team was mentally and physically cracking, it was the Red Team that was forced into the elimination room, where they sent nicest-person-on-earth Lisa back out to do good in the world.

It is morning on the ranch, and the contestants enter the gym to find Miss Alison Sweeney (I'm trying to call her by her actual name for a change) waiting. Despite her being a seemingly lovely person, when she's just standing in a room that contestants enter, it always foretells doom. Particularly when there are props. Joining Ali are three giant dice -- one die for each team, with the team members' original fat fatty photos on them. Everyone is shocked when looking at the photos at how heavy and miserable they once were, despite the fact that they don't really look all that different yet and aren't exactly loving life when having to work in the gym fourteen hours a day. Ali congratulates the contestants on making it to the halfway point, and I am both shocked and delighted at the prospect of a totally reasonable 12-episode season. She tells them that they are all inspirations to millions of people such as myself, who are sitting on the couch wrapped in a Snuggie and eating Girl Scout cookies, and are leading by example.

While they all may be the faces of weight loss, only one member of each team will face the scale this week. The tricky thing is, they won't know who it is until the weigh-in, where the trainers will roll the dice and see which faces turn up. Jillian wants to roll the White Team die just for fun, since it's going to be Danni no matter what. Certain ambiguities are definitely eliminated when you're a team of one. Gina of course is freaking out about this whole thing and says she doesn't want the pressure, and Bob calls her annoying. I mean, to her face, he calls her annoying. He wants her to have a little confidence, and then Gina starts crying, and then Bob says aloud that she's even MORE annoying. Gina then cries MORE about the fact that every time she sees Bob, he rips her ass to shreds, both literally and metaphorically. He nonchalantly tells her that she needs to learn to handle it. He doesn't say, "...and stop being annoying," but it's implied.

Bob pulls Gina outside and lies that she's the biggest threat in the house. He says that there are Blue Team members who he'd rather not see turn up on the die, but she's not one of them. So he wants her to be unafraid too. Gina explains that she's a natural self-flagellator, and that she's been paralyzed by fear for a long time, and can't even enjoy the accolades that have come her way professionally. She needs to take a lesson in self-confidence from fellow lady lawyer Star Jones! I don't know if it would fix the "more annoying" problem, but at least she'd think highly of herself. Gina says that she'd like to see herself the way Bob sees her. Bob tells Gina not to come from a place of fear, since fear is the main problem that brought her into the house in the first place. He's going to continue rip her ass to shreds, for her own health and happiness.

The trainers all work with their contestants and try to get them to be unafraid of the dice roll. Dolvett is a little concerned about Jackson, particularly if his mind isn't in the game. Jackson's biggest fear in life is letting others down, which certainly happens when he gets a case of the pukes again. He wonders what's wrong with his body, and quite frankly I do too. It can't be right to throw up basically every time you work out. Where's Dr. H. to explain Jackon's fatty esophageal lining to us? As a kid, Jackson thought that he wasn't good enough, and is still trying to get over that feeling. His family had an unhealthy relationship with food, and he picked up their bad habits. Being overweight, he was picked on a lot, and felt completely worthless. He held back from doing a lot of things that he wanted to because he was so concerned of what others would think about his size. Dolvett tells Jackson that he respects him, in part because he's never had an easy road to travel. He points out that bullies will always exist, and Jackson has to know that he's good enough -- more than good enough, even. Dolvett's a proud papa-esque figure, and probably all the vomiting doesn't hurt on the scale.

And then it's time for the trainers to check in with the kids! They explain that this week's theme is leading by example, and so they want the mini-contestants to inspire other kids to have healthier lives. Sunny wants to run a circuit to help get kids excited about exercising, while Lindsay would like to spread an anti-bullying message. Biingo is in a sports club after school, and Bob wants him to recruit some additional kids. All of the kids agree to the challenge, though in truth Biingo seems slightly less excited than the two girls. Or maybe he's just cool like that.

And then it's challenge time! The contestants enter a huge warehouse with some sort of crazy torture setup and dry ice. Ali is there, as are the dreaded dice. Whoever is rolled from each team will be the sole challenge competitor for the evening. The challenge is weird, too. The contestants will have to traverse a balance beam, and once across grab a plate with a calorie count on it, which then must be matched with one of five foods: a half pound cheeseburger, a bagel with low fat cream cheese and lox, non-fat plain Greek yogurt with blueberries, ravioli and meatballs with tomato sauce, or grilled chicken with quinoa and cheddar cheese. The first team to get five plates matched correctly with five foods will win letters from home. Michael's son just turned nine months old, and he'd like to get a photo to have a chance at knowing what the kid actually looks like.

Danni is of course on her own, so represents the White Team by default. The Red Team is hoping that Francelina will be their representative, due to her agility and vast knowledge of calorie counts, but the die lands on Jackson, much to his own chagrin. Gina and her new self-confidence are hoping that the die will land on her, and it does! Momentarily, she will be ruing this twist of fate. Before we get to the footage that explains the origins of Gina's full-body bruises, though, we check in with eliminated contestant Pam! Pam is of course crazy, and was eliminated in week four. She's currently down 65 pounds, and her makeover kind of makes her look like a Mob Wife. In a good way? Her signature sassiness is still intact, though, as are her Elaine Benes-esque dance moves. She's really like a Saturday Night Live character come to life.

And then the challenge begins! Jackson takes a look at the foods before crossing the beam, while Danni runs off and is knocked off of the beam by a giant swinging pendulum! Biggest Loser has totally been inspired by America's Next Top Model! And think of how much harder it is to avoid a giant swinging pendulum when you weigh 350 pounds. We then get to watch Jackson being knocked off of the beam. And then Gina gets knocked off. And then Danni makes it almost all the way across but falls off the beam of her own accord. There is so much fog surrounding the balance beams, so it seems plausible that Gina, Jackson and Danni could all fall way down to Middle Earth. Maybe they'll find Anna Kournikova there?

Jackson then goes the way of Danni and makes it almost all the way across the beam only to fall. And then he gets knocked off again and again. These motherfuckers are going to be BRUISED. Danni eventually is the first to make it across the beam and back with a plate, while Gina gets zonked over and over again. Francelina cracks up at how Gina, one of the lighter contestants, actually flie

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Biggest Loser




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