Biggest Loser
Lively Beach Competition

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Lively Beach Competition

Previously on The Biggest Loser: Jamaica was not kind to the Black Team, and twin Jim was sent home. Miraculously, twin Bill does not seem in the least bitter this episode! Unless the parts where he bitch-slapped Julie didn't make it past the censors.

The day begins with Jillian making members of the Black Team push around a giant tire. She says that going to their first elimination was traumatic for them, so she needs to make them refocus on their goals. If Jez and Bill have the goal of coming close to manflesh-on-manflesh contact but for a large ring of rubber between them, they are already there. Kim, meanwhile, has her team do something with a big tire, in a way that is vastly inferior to Jillian's. I can't explain why. I just know. Part of it might have to do with the fact that Kim is having her team drag her around again. Can't she try running in place or something to keep herself occupied? Bob, meanwhile, prepares his team for the challenge by having them pile logs. They have a really hard time with it, and he just shakes his head, noting that the Blue Team sucks nut of wild boar at all the challenges.

Speaking of the challenge, here it is! At this point, I thought that perhaps since this episode is only an hour, they cut all the filler. The eventual forty-two-minute weigh-in sequence would prove me wrong on that one. Ah, well, a recapper can dream. Sami meets the contestants on the beach and says that their previous challenges have been races, whether against the clock or each other. She says "each other," as always, like, "ee-CHOTHer." Once again I blame Deidre Hall's poor parenting skills. Losing weight, says Sami, isn't a test of speed -- long-term weight loss is about perseverance. And, apparently, about carrying a giant metal frame as far as you can. That's why I keep seeing the people with the giant metal frames walking all around during lunch time! One at a time, each team member will carry the giant metal frame as far as he can, with adjustments made for each person's weight. The women have to lift 60% of their current body weight, and the men have to carry 75% of their current body weight. Whichever team moves its giant metal frame the collective farthest wins videos from their loved ones.

Hollie, Nicole, and Amy start off for their teams. Amy sucks. Nicole puts in a good effort, but she still doesn't get very far. Hollie, on the other hand, is on fire! She knows how to work a metal frame and trounces the others. Bryan, Jez, and Kae are next. Jez doesn't do so well, and Kae passes him, thus taking the lead. Bryan makes up some ground for the Red Team. And finally, heat three sees Ryan against Bill against Phil. Ryan starts off strong but goes down, ensuring another loss for Blue. Phil and Bill battle it out in a matter of wills. All of which leads me to say: "I'll pick up the bill today, Gil." "Would you like something from the grill, Jill?" "No, meat makes me ill, Bill." Hmmmm. A commercial break extends the tension, but eventually Bill, after a great effort, drops his giant metal frame, and victory is secured for the Red Team. Thanks solely to Phil, may I add. Julie is on my same train of thought and says that she doesn't think that the Red Team won five out of six challenges; she thinks Phil won five out of six challenges. We'll see how much his team appreciates this later on.

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