Biggest Loser

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One Team Surprised With Trip To Vegas

Back at the ranch, there are more beatings. The Black Team is a determined bunch. We head back to Vegas for a final look at the body art. Jay incorporated "Pride" into his big-ass family crest. Mark got a cursive "Pride" with a banner underneath it. Roger has a proud bicep. And then, the whole ethos of the Blue Team is encapsulated by this exchange as Roger sees Dan's angel tattoo:

Roger: Dude, when you're playing guitar, that is gonna look so awesome.
Dan: Yeah, dude.

The Blue Team is super happy about all of their male bonding experiences. I thank God every day that I wasn't born a straight man. It's this kind of stuff that's, like, retribution for being a member of the patriarchy.

The Blue Team returns to the ranch and shares their exploits with the Black Team. They show off their tattoos. Roger's is SO UGLY. Maggie laughs at their stupidity. Bernie interviews that he hopes they don't regret all the pride they have. Sooner or later, he says, they'll have to say goodbye to each other, and that's a lifelong goodbye if he's ever seen one. That doesn't actually make any sense, but I think the gist of it is that they're all huge dumb-asses.

With tattoo madness over, it's challenge time! I think Sami is wearing riding gear. Maybe she's proud of her imaginary horses? One two three pride! The teams are going to have to face The Biggest Loser obstacle course, in which they'll flip giant tires, carry heavy sandbags, crawl on their belly, and end with a footrace. The team that gets all of its members across the finish line wins. The Blue Team members are predictably cocky about their chances of winning. The prize is a good one -- trips for two to Puerto Rico for each member of the team. Let us pray that the Blue Team doesn't win, only because there's not room on their bodies for "Orgullo" tattoos. Kelly is feeling nervous, because she's the weak link on the Black Team.

The teams begin! The Blue Team's bulk is a definite advantage, and they take an easy lead. After the second leg, Kelly has to slow down to a walk. Without much ado, the Blue Team wins. Mark tells us that it was sweet to win the challenge, and that there's a reason they're feeling cocky. Didn't they lose, like, three challenges in a row? Yeah, they did a good job, but they're acting like they've dominated the Black Team from the outset, which is totally not the case. The Black Team still completes the course, with Bernie encouraging Kelly to run the last leg. He slows down to match Kelly's pace, and all four Black Team members hold hands and run across the finish line together. It's a nice gesture, and makes Kelly feel like an important member of the team. Dan says, "The Black Team lost because they're obviously a much weaker team." Or maybe they just don't have enough pride. When you have pride, you fly through the obstacle course like a fairy on the wing. The Blue Team is self-satisfied about their win, and the Black Team does a lot of well-deserved mockery of them in their interviews.

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Biggest Loser

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