Sami welcomes the contestants to El Mirage, which is close to Death Valley. And Death Valley is exactly where these crackers are heading if they don't get off the lard! They are about to discover that even amongst the harshest conditions, new life can emerge. The contestants are told to arrange themselves in numerical order, based on the numbers on their shirts. The numbers apparently represent how old the contestants are, which is relevant because this season is all about the battle of the ages. Sami reminds everyone that Helen and Jerry exist, so the old people aren't necessarily going to give it over to the whippersnappers without a fight. Everyone under thirty separates into one team, the fifty and overs separate into another team, and the folks in the middle are the third team. Each team has five members, and the competitors waste no time in bonding and hand-slapping and inventing cheers that feature the word "pride."
Sami tells everyone that teams need leaders, and since there are three teams, three leaders will be required. That means that there will be three trainers this season, and two of them are brand new. Because this show has nothing better to do to fill two hours, and the U.S. Marine Corps has nothing better to do than fly around Biggest Loser cast members, the trainers fly above the contestants in three separate military planes. They land, and Bob is the first trainer to emerge. He looks cute as always, and is maybe even more tatted up than before. Bob mocks the fact that all of the contestants are so cheery, when they are about to enter hell. The next to emerge is Anna Kournikova, who sure is pretty and skinny. We get a little Anna montage introduction, in which she tells us that, being a professional athlete her whole life, she's learned all there is to know about commitment, strength, discipline and sacrifice. I think she's also learned that being preternaturally gorgeous will make you famous even if you never win a major singles tournament. That's a lesson for the ages, right there. Anyway, Anna has been a fan of the show for a while, and is very excited to be collecting a paycheck. Finally, we have a fine specimen of a man known as Dolvett. Well, well. Things have gotten more interesting, have they not? Training people is Dolvett's passion. When he's not busy chiseling his own fine arms, that is. He knows he's lucky to be on the show, and is ready to turn non-believers into believers. I'm a believer! Damn.
So, of course the doling out of trainers is connected to a challenge. The trainers get in some giant military vehicles and are driven to the finish line, which is one mile away. Well that hardly seems fair, does it? The contestants, unfortunately, have to make it a mile across the desert on foot. A whole team has to cross the finish line before they can pick their trainer. Hopefully no one will be waylaid by trying to take a dip in a mirage pool, or stop for mirage nachos at the mirage bar. So, of course everyone wants Bob, except for Ramon who wouldn't mind having Anna hovering over his sweaty body for the next three months. Sami screams go, and the contestants are off. Antone, who is 44 and thus on the middle team, says that he's a former NFL player, and so he's used to running about three yards rather than one mile. Bonnie, 63 and a member of the older team, is concerned because she has a problem with one of her knees. It should help her to know that everyone else in the competition is also morbidly obese, so probably won't be too swift either.