Dolvett says some nice things about John, but much like Jennifer, John only has eyes for Bob. He thanks Bob for continuing to help him even when his shirt color changed. Sami asks John what the biggest change in his life has been, and John says that he has hope again. He rediscovered the ability to be successful. Oh, boy, this guy is going to start some sort of motivational speaking/consulting business, isn't he? John gives a shout out to his wife and kids, and at that moment one of the little kids who is sitting on his wife's lap totally does something bad! Haha. Oh, wait, I guess he's autistic. Now I'm just an asshole. Anyway, John speechifies about how he owes his wife a debt of gratitude forever. Didn't he say that already? This segment with John goes on so long that it basically feels like a coronation. It would be exceptionally satisfying to see someone else actually win the $250,000.

Then, there's a sneak peak of next season. Santa is a contestant! Bob kills him. So, set your expectations low for Christmas this year. And also the whole ranch is designated as a no-excuse zone. Dolvett is still around, as is Bob, but I see no lady trainer. The contestants come to the ranch in teams of two, but they get split up between Bob and Dolvett. Nefarious! As usual, the season will start exactly one second after 2011 ends.

And then it's time for the final three to emerge in their workout clothes and see each other for the first time. When John emerges the sound cuts out, I think because Ramon says, "Holy shit." Sami throws it to Dr. Huizenga, who hits us up with some stats. He says that all three men had "severe fatty hepatitis" when they started. What THE FUCK is that? Have you ever heard a more disgusting name for anything? Dr. H. needs some media counseling. Anyway, I guess they don't have it any more. Ramon and John both had some serious diabetes when they started, but if they maintain their weight, the diabetes is cured. And finally, the three finalists set some finale records. They have the lowest combined average body fat in the finale -- 15%. That's pro athlete level! And then there's the real age thing. They gained a total of 54 years between them. I have three words to express my excitement: severe fatty hepatitis. Bob clichés that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of their lives, which basically means you should not celebrate by hitting up Dunkin Donuts on the way back to the hotel.