John was the biggest loser on campus, so gets to decide the weigh-in order. He goes with Ramon, Antone and then himself. Ramon steps up on the scale and gives a very enthusiastic shout-out to Dolvett. He goes from 355 pounds to 201, for a loss of 154 pounds. That's 43.38%. He immediately segues into 'roid rage. Next up is Antone. He goes from 447 pounds to 245, for a loss of 202 pounds! That's 45.19% lost, which is highly impressive. Antone is made of steel now, I think. Finally, there's John. He needs to have lost more than 201 pounds to beat Antone and take home the prize. He totally holds his hand up because he wants to say something, but thankfully Sami does not allow it. That's the way to host, girl! John goes from 445 pounds to 223, for a loss of 220 pounds. So, he's won handily.

Try to contain your excitement. There's confetti, and lots of hugs all around, and that awful Train song (or a song that sounds similarly generic) plays again. Sami wishes us happy holidays, and John looks mostly tired and not even happy, kind of like he just wants to curl up into the fetal position and chew on some confetti pieces for comfort. It could be that he's just hungry, or it could be that his life without a high-stakes all-consuming goal is stretching out before him like a terrible void. I mean, dude has problems. But if he's smart, that $250,000 can buy him a lot of therapy!

And with that, Biggest Loser season twelve comes to a close. Enjoy your holiday ham and cookies, and I'll see you in the gym on January 1!

Potes thanks you for reading! She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.