The third round of contestants steps up to the donut plate. Bonnie enjoys the scent of the donuts, but doesn't eat any. Ditto for Black Team Sunny and Courtney from the Red Team. The next round of folks enters. Black Team Jennifer is having none of the donuts and eschews game playing. Ramon smashes a few donuts with his fist out of boredom. And then there's old Boston Johnny. He takes a deep, deep whiff, but has resolved not to put any of the fried deliciousness in his mouth. His fake-out strategy is to make it sound like he's slurping clams. Or having an orgasm. Or, according to Courtney, dying. The grunting and the panting is really unbelievable and, frankly, pretty disturbing. Sami cracks up, and Ramon is oddly turned on by the whole affair. Johnny tells us that he was really into it, and sweating when he came out of the room. Had both hands not been on the table the whole time, we'd really be forced to wonder about this. Sami is very relieved when time has run out.
HA! But then Johnny gets to come back for another round, because the Blue Team is short one person. Sami really wants to hear grandpa sound like he's getting his jollies off again, I guess. John from the Black Team tells us that there aren't a lot of things you can control on the ranch, but this is one instance where he can win something valuable for his team. As soon as Sami says go, his hand whips toward the donut pile. And it doesn't stop! For the whole three minutes! This bitch can talk about mastering your own fate, but the truth is that he wants to eat himself some damn donuts. In his own words: "You know, it's kind of disgusting how fast I was able to tear through those." His chin is glistening from drool or sugar glaze. Neither Jessica nor Boston John eat anything, because they are not emotionally disturbed in precisely this same way.
Sami gathers everyone together and says that one team ate 11 donuts, for a total of 385 calories. That was the Blue Team, and the sole eater was Mike. He says that it was lunch, and Bonnie kind of wishes she'd thought of that. But! Sami goes on to say that Mike's haul wasn't even a third of what the winning team ate. The winning team ate 37 donuts, for a total of 1,295 calories. And again, it was all consumed by one person, that person being John. Everyone is absolutely shocked and kind of grossed out, and John starts to feel dumb and get teary. It's in his belly now, though, so there's no going back. Unless maybe he asks Boston Johnny to start have those slurping clam orgasms again to help him throw up. The Black Team confers a little bit about the gym schedule, and then John announces that they will take the 5:00 - 7:00 a.m. slot. Okay, 5:00 is really early, people. That's a terrible choice. They're giving the Blue Team 12:00 - 2:00, which makes the oldsters very happy. John says that he gave the Blue Team that slot because he respects them. He wishes the Red Team would get off his lawn. Anyway, the Red Team by default has the late-night gym shift, and also think that John is whack. Spoiler: they are correct.