After a break, it's daytime on the ranch! Sami warns the contestants of impending brutality, and then introduces them to the folks who will be brutalizing them: trainers Bob and Dolvett. Dolvett arrives standing on the outside of a helicopter, while Bob approaches by zooming in on a motorcycle. It's too much testosterone, I say! But I really am glad that Dolvett has stuck around. If anything, he seems even more sculpted this time around. He inspires me to write poetry, such as: "I think that we shall never get / A trainer lovely as Dolvett." Several ladies have to fan themselves, and I am among them. Sami explains that the contestants will get to spend two hours to get to know the trainers, and at the end of that time will have to pick one of them. There's a new gym courtesy of Planet Fitness, and Dolvett announces that each contestant will get a free membership. I wonder if the poor Blue Team will get that as well. They're the ones who could actually use it!
The contestants do little workouts with Bob and Dolvett, and Bob notes that no one this season is super-huge to the point of 400-plus pounds. Still, he says, big is big. There is lots of in-gym yelling, and Dolvett puts on a crazy show for the contestants and the cameras. Bob busts Purple Team Megan on her fake puking, and tells us that if your dinner isn't coming out of your mouth, you needs must get back on the treadmill. But then there is actual puking. A lot of it. Brown Team Ben explains that you might think that Bob is the nice one, but in fact he's an evil man. Gray Team Mark has pulled his hamstring, and fears what this means for his weight loss potential. Dolvett assures him that he can still do it, and makes Mark promise that he won't disappoint him or his son Chism. And while we're on the subject, isn't "Chism" the weirdest name? It makes me think simultaneously of jism, schism, and a chasm. And also chimes. Basically, every time he's on screen I just feel really confused. Santa gets a serious workout and a "ho ho ho" from Bob, and then collapses on the floor. He's fine, though. Santa's real name is Roy, and Mrs. Claus is Christine. I can't understand a word he says through that beard. But Bob loves him some Santa, and makes Roy promise to put him on the "nice" list.
And then the medic is looking at Brown Team Ben, who thinks they're in Michigan. He's disoriented and dizzy and fears he might pass out or die. When Ben doesn't know Bob's name, Bob agrees that they might as well let him sit for a while. We take a minute and learn that Ben is 34, and he and his wife have nine total children in something of a Brady Bunch-esque situation. Plus one on the way! Ben loves all parts of his life, except for being overweight. This first workout is Ben's low point, and he says that he's going to use it as motivation going forward. We then spend some time with Emily, who was a former Olympic weight lifter. Crazy! Bob asks how she got here, and she says she was used to people telling her what to do all the time, and couldn't take care of herself when it came to it. Emily cries and says she's scared that she doesn't know how to believe in herself on her own. Bob tells her that she's on the right path, and is going to have to find a way to do this on her own. He gives her a big hug, and Emily says that having him believe in her opened a light in her. She's ready to believe in herself.