Sami then returns to the gym. Doom! Gloom! She says that the contestants came here as couples to change their lives. However, sometimes we all lean a little too hard on the ones that we love, which can hold us back. Sami tells the contestants that they need to rely on themselves. This is not only a season of no excuses, but a season of no partners! The collective reaction is basically, "Oh, fuck." But wait, there's more! One member of each team will train with Bob, and the other will train with Dolvett. The pairs themselves get to choose who will train with which trainer. Mrs. Claus tells Roy that this is going to be difficult given his codependency. He only goes out by himself one night a year, after all. Conda (who I keep accidentally calling "Condo") and Jeremy are quite sad, but Conda points out that they're both still there. A few teams go the rock, paper, scissors route. Orange Team granddaughter Cassandra thinks this might be a blessing in disguise, since they were divided on the training front. Indeed, grandma Penny Marshall (actually named Nancy) really favored Dolvett, and now she gets to have him. Ben faces difficulty in that he likes neither trainer. Blue Team members Joe and Mike flip a weight to help make their decision, as they do not have a coin handy.
There is then a very dramatic ceremony in which the contestants get to pick their trainers. The breakdown goes like this: Dolvett's team comprises: Conda, Kim, Mike, Roy, Nancy, Buddy, Megan, Mark, and Lauren. Bob's team comprises: Jeremy, Emily, Joe, Christine, Cassandra, Ben, Kim, Chism, and Gail. There's a hilarious moment in which it is revealed that grandma Nancy is totally hot for Dolvett, and Bob points out that she already has thirteen children and obviously only thinks about sex. Indeed, there are some fertile people in attendance this season. Dolvett's team is given red shirts, while Bob's team is black. And then Brian Williams takes a moment to let us know that Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, and Mitt Romney are all about even in Iowa. Doesn't hearing those three names in succession just make you hate everything in existence? It's a real Morrissey-esque "come, come nuclear bomb" moment for me.
When we return, it's unfortunately time for a tête-à-tête with Dr. "Six Feet Under" Huizenga, bearer of bad and worse news. He meets with Buddy and Ben, the heaviest and sickest of all the teams. Some cardiac imaging is conducted, and surprise, there's some calcified plaque in the arteries happening. Dr. H. tells everyone that losing 100 pounds or more on The Biggest Loser has proven to be a successful strategy for reducing cholesterol plaque, and Buddy resolves to be a part of that positive statistic.